


Let's Just Laugh Again

by alleycat35



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Bonding, Brotherly Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Liam-centric, OT5 Friendship, Panic, Panic Attacks, Sick Character, Sick Liam, Sickfic, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alleycat35/pseuds/alleycat35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam doesn't remember Zayn quitting the band.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got sad about the recent 1D Twitter feuds, and then this stupid fic happened.

Louis yawned deeply and stretched, feeling momentarily disoriented as he tried to figure out where he was waking up this time. He looked sleepily to his left and spotted Niall slumped over the mattress of the other bed with his arm dangling over the side as he drooled all over his pillow. Louis could hear someone snoring beside Niall, and he could just barely make out a few brown curls as he peered over Niall's head. He stifled a laugh but smiled as it all came back to him. 

They were staying at a hotel in New York City. They were still on break from the tour (as they didn't have any upcoming shows until June), but they had flown to the U.S. to do some interviews and a press conference. After Zayn's sudden departure from One Direction in March, the boys had been in high demand; every talk show host wanted to be the first one to interview them for television since they had decided to carry on as a four-piece. For the most part, they had all been avoiding the press as much as possible. When Zayn left, they released an official statement on their social media platforms and conducted one radio interview, but they didn't want to deal with any more publicity than that. They were all dreading the notion of doing interviews with just the four of them, though they knew it was inevitable. They had been delaying it for as long as possible, knowing how difficult the first one would be. However, management finally decided that it was the right time for them to break the silence, especially in the wake of all of the Twitter drama that had been happening and all of the rumours that had surfaced because of it. 

Liam cringed a little when he remembered the purpose of their visit. He had really not been looking forward to facing the other boys after his Twitter dispute with Zayn and Shahid. Online news outlets were already reporting that his relationship with Harry had become "strained" because of it. Though the headlines were sensationalized, there was some truth behind them; Harry was irritated enough with Louis for being immature enough to make such an unnecessary comment in the first place, but he was angrier about the fact that Louis had carried on, continuing to insult Shahid (a.k.a. "Naughty Boy") and rocking the boat for no good reason. The websites had all been reporting that Harry was furious about what Louis' actions were doing to the reputation of the band, but in reality, he was far more concerned about what they were doing to the band's relationship with Zayn. All of the boys wanted to be on good terms with Zayn, but Louis was still extremely bitter toward Shahid and having trouble putting his feelings aside. Liam and Harry kept telling him to just keep his mouth shut for the sake of keeping things amicable, but he had been doing a terrible job of that thus far.

Louis rolled over onto his right to find Liam sleeping next to him. He had yet to receive a lecture from Daddy Direction, but he knew he was going to get it today. Even though Liam hadn't said a thing to Louis about the Twitter fiasco thus far, Louis was convinced that he had an earful coming to him. That was the main reason why he had been so apprehensive about this particular reunion with his bandmates. However, when they had convened at the hotel the previous night after they had all been flown in, Liam had seemed extremely jet-lagged and didn't have much to say. He didn't seem like he intended to be antisocial, but as they all made their way up to their room, it was clear that he was too exhausted to contribute to any kind of meaningful conversation. On the elevator, he had been gently rubbing his stomach and mumbling something about needed his bed, so when they got to the hotel room, no one argued when Liam just flopped down on the bed and went right to sleep in the jeans and plaid shirt that he had flown in. Louis had been rather relieved at the time, as he didn't really feel like he had the energy for whatever conversation Liam had planned either, but he knew that he would have to face him eventually.

Nonetheless, Louis tended to miss the boys quite a bit when they weren't around (even though he wouldn't always admit it), so there was something oddly comforting about waking up surrounded by them again.

He heard someone stirring in the next bed and rolled over again to find Niall yawning and smacking his lips comically, trying to rid himself of morning dry mouth. 

"Good morning," Louis whispered.

"Did you make breakfast?" Niall asked sleepily.

"Keep dreaming," Louis said, "but you're welcome to call room service."

Niall's eyes opened a bit more at that. "Good idea," he said, reaching for the phone on the night table.

Niall's motion caused Harry to stir. "Mmmph," he mumbled, lifting his head off of the pillow. "What time is it?"

Louis glanced at the clock. "It's almost eleven, actually," Louis said, stretching his arms again. "Fuck, that was a good sleep."

"Yeah, I've had worse," Harry said with a yawn. "Do we have any interviews today?"

"Not today, I don't think," Louis said, "but I think we've got one tomorrow and then a bunch the day after."

"Great," Harry said sarcastically.

Louis sighed. "I know, Haz. We'll get through it, though. Liam will come through for us as usual, won't you, Li?" Louis said, turning to face Liam. He was surprised to see that Liam had yet to awaken, despite all of the noise in the room. Liam must have been exceptionally tired after his flight.

Louis shrugged (for the benefit of no one in particular) and turned back over to talk to Niall and Harry. He thought it best to let Liam sleep for a bit longer. 

The three boys who were awake chatted idly until they heard a knock at the door. Niall hopped out of bed to greet whoever was bringing up the food he had ordered. Louis sat up in bed and turned toward Liam. He thought about doing something obnoxious to wake him up, but he didn't really want to give Liam another reason to be irritated with him. There was also something about the way Liam was lying there that made Louis reluctant to disturb him in the first place, but he was fairly certain that Liam would be starving by now.

"Li?" he said quietly, resting a hand on Liam's arm.

Liam didn't stir.

"Liam," he said with a little more volume, shaking Liam's shoulder gently. "Breakfast is here."

Liam hummed softly but did not move or open his eyes.

Louis rubbed Liam's arm. "Li, aren't you hungry?"

Liam let out a sigh and mumbled something that Louis couldn't make out for the life of him. Louis raised an eyebrow. Liam wasn't normally THIS difficult to wake up in the morning. It seemed that the only wise option was to let him sleep.

He rolled out of bed and joined Harry and Niall in the kitchen, where the room service cart had been wheeled in.

"No Liam?" Harry asked, helping Niall set the table.

"He still wants to sleep," Louis said with a sigh, pulling out one of the chairs and taking a seat.

"That's a bit odd," said Harry. "He's been asleep for... what, sixteen hours now?"

"Isn't he _hungry_?" Niall asked. "I don't think he ate anything after he got off of the plane."

Louis shrugged. "I'm a little worried, to be honest," he said, poking at the plate of food that Harry had placed in front of him. "I don't think he's feeling well."

"Might have picked something up on the plane," Niall said.

Harry nodded. "We'll check on him after breakfast and see if there's anything we can do."

All three of the boys proceeded to eat considerably faster than they normally would. Harry, feeling far too antsy, still hadn't quite finished his meal when he stood up from the table and hurried back into the bedroom to check on Liam.

The Wolverhampton boy was still sound asleep, though his slumber seemed less than peaceful. His eyes were tightly closed, as if he were in pain, and there were drops of sweat on his forehead. 

Harry sat down on the bed beside Liam and reached out to feel his forehead. Liam's skin was unreasonably warm to the touch.

"Liam," Harry said softly.

"Hmmmm..?" Liam hummed back, not opening his eyes.

"How are you feeling, Li?" he asked, concerned.

"M'fine," he muttered back.

"You've got a fever," Harry said. "You're not well."

"M'fine," Liam repeated. Harry couldn't tell if Liam was still half asleep or just being stubborn (or both).

"Liam," Harry said, his voice adopting a warning tone. "You're ill."

Liam mumbled something unintelligible in response. Harry sighed and looked up as Louis and Niall appeared in the doorway.

"He's really warm," Harry said. "Can someone grab him some water?"

Niall quickly ducked back into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of water, handing it to Harry.

Harry rubbed Liam's shoulder. "Liam, I need you to sit up and drink some water."

Liam let out a sigh (though it sounded more like a sign of exhaustion than of exasperation) and slowly rose to a sitting position, letting out a wince that Niall did not miss.

"Liam?" he asked, sitting down on the bed. "What hurts?"

"Nothing," Liam mumbled, accepting the bottle that Harry handed to him.

"Come on, Payno," Louis said. "We can't help you if we don't know what's wrong."

Liam took a big gulp of water. "Nothing's wrong," he insisted. "Just tired."

"You slept for almost sixteen hours last night," Niall said. "If you're still exhausted, that should be enough to tell you that something is wrong."

"Not to mention the obvious fever," Harry said, touching Liam's cheek with the back of his hand. "You're burning up."

"S'not a fever," Liam said stubbornly. "Just hot under all of these blankets."

"You're so full of shit, Liam," Louis said. "You do realize that it's okay to be sick, right?"

Liam polished off the bottle of water with surprising speed and placed the empty bottle on the nightstand, then tried to lie back down.

"Hang on," Harry said, "let's get you out of these clothes."

Liam looked down and realized he was still fully dressed from yesterday.

"Ohh..." he said. "Right." He sheepishly began unbuttoning his shirt.

Harry frowned, wondering if Liam was still half-asleep; he seemed to be having an unusually hard time with the buttons on his shirt. Harry reached over and undid the last few buttons for him, then helped him pull off the shirt. He thought he noticed Liam's pale cheeks turning a little pink.

"You're still in jeans, too," Harry pointed out.

Liam laid back down and unbuttoned his jeans, then slid them off and dropped them on the floor beside the bed. His arms appeared to tremble as he did so, and his face tensed up once again.

"Seriously, Liam," Harry said. "What hurts?"

"Lads..." Liam whined. 

"Okay, okay, we'll leave you alone," Niall said, "but don't you want to eat something?"

"No, I'm good for right now," Liam said, allowing his heavy-lidded eyes to close. "Might just rest for a little while longer, if that's all right."

"That's fine," Niall said. "We're supposed to meet up with management in a few, but we'll just tell them that you were still worn out from the flight."

"Thanks, mate," Liam said, rolling onto his side and burying his face into the pillow.

"Well, shall we, lads?" Niall asked, standing up from the bed.

Harry looked down at Liam, then reluctantly stood up as well.

Louis, Harry, and Niall quickly got dressed and freshened up. When they were ready to head downstairs to talk to management, Louis looked over his shoulder at Liam.

"We won't be long, Liam," he said. "We'll be back to check in in a bit."

"Not necessary," Liam said, his words muffled by the pillow.

"Enjoy your rest," Harry said, though he sounded uneasy.

After the three boys had headed out of the room and closed the door, Liam rubbed his abdomen and let out a quiet groan. He had been far from honest about how he was feeling. His stomach was absolutely killing him, but he had convinced himself that it was a product of fatigue, travel, nervousness, or some other factor that meant that it was nothing to be concerned about. He didn't want to worry the others, not when they had plenty of other things to concern themselves with, but he knew that he would need to recover quickly so that he would be ready to take on the first set of post-Zayn interviews with the boys. (He wasn't necessarily okay with this, but he tried not to think about it too much.)

He was fairly certain that he would be able to sleep off whatever was making him feel lousy, even though he was feeling considerably worse than he had been the night before. He pulled his knees up to his chest and shut his eyes, willing the pain in his stomach to go away before his bandmates returned to check on him.

**************************

When Harry, Niall, and Louis returned to the hotel room, they opened the door quietly so as to avoid waking Liam.

Liam's back was turned to the door, so Harry tiptoed around the bed so that he could take a look at him. Louis saw Harry's eyes widen with concern.

"Look at him," Harry said, his voice full of sadness. "He's obviously in pain."

Louis and Niall joined Harry on the other side of the bed and could immediately see what Harry was talking about. Liam seemed to have thrown off the covers and was now lying curled up on his side, clutching at his stomach. He was sweating profusely and gritting his teeth.

"Looks like his stomach is bothering him," Niall murmured. 

"Should we wake him?" Harry asked.

"I wouldn't," said Louis. "He seemed like he really wanted to sleep. We should let him rest for now but keep a close eye on him. Knowing him, he'll never admit that there's anything wrong."

Harry nodded slowly. "All right, but we should wake him in a little while and try to get him to eat something."

"What do we do in the meantime?" asked Niall.

"We have to talk," Harry said with a sigh. "About the interviews. About what we're going to say."

Niall and Louis both grimaced at this.

"Yeah, all right," Louis said. "Let's have a chat in the kitchen, then."

Louis had been dreading this talk and was pretty grateful that Liam would not be a part of it, as he knew that he was going to get cornered over the stupid Naughty Boy tweets. Harry was the first to bring it up, after they had finished discussing how they were going to handle the predictable questions about life without Zayn, performing as a four-piece, the cheating rumours, and all of the assorted social media drama.

"I don't think I have anything to apologize for," Louis said stiffly.

"I'm not saying you have to apologize," Harry said. "I'm just saying that you'll probably need to be prepared to defend yourself."

"Defend myself for what?" Louis said, becoming more irritable by the minute. "For calling out that idiot on his bullshit? He's the one that started all this. HE'S the one constantly getting all of the fans riled up."

"I know, I know," Harry said, trying to keep Louis calm. "He's a moron, but that doesn't mean that the passive-aggressive photo comment was a good idea."

Niall hadn't said anything for a while. While Harry and Louis continued to bicker back and forth, he just stared down at the table, looking uncomfortable.

"It was a fucking _joke_ ," Louis groaned. "Why's everyone taking it so seriously?"

"Even you have to admit that it was immature, Louis," Harry said in a low voice.

"Immature?" Louis snapped. " _I'm_ the immature one, meanwhile he's the one flaunting all those stupid pictures and videos all over the fucking place? I mean, 'Replace this'? 'Zaughty will rise'? Give me a fucking break."

Harry fought hard to keep from losing his patience. "He's not the one with the ability to destroy the band's reputation. That's in OUR hands. When we start getting into public squabbles like that one, that affects how people see us. It makes it hard for them to take us seriously. More than that, the fights upset the fans, and they sure as hell upset Zayn."

Louis swallowed. He couldn't really argue with that one. He _hated_ Naughty Boy, but no matter how pissed off he was at Zayn for leaving, he still loved Zayn and never intended to pick a fight with _him._ Though he was far from ready to admit that he had done anything wrong, he knew that tensions were running high between the five of them, and the situation had only been exacerbated by his actions.

"Whatever," he said irritably, rubbing his face with his hands. "It's all Liam's fault, anyway. He's the one who posted that thing about finding a replacement for Zayn."

Harry sighed inwardly. They both knew that the silly karaoke video that Liam had shared hadn't contributed to any of the current drama, but Louis was clearly just looking for someone to blame. There was no point in trying to have a serious conversation with him when he was in one of these moods. Harry stood up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Louis asked flatly.

"Check on Liam," Harry said simply, strolling out of the room.

Louis' expression softened when it occurred to him that they hadn't looked in on Liam in a while. "Good call," he said quietly, as he and Niall stood up to follow Harry into the sleeping area.

Harry found Liam curled up in the same position as before, but this time, he was shaking. Alarmed, Harry sat down on the bed and slid in close to Liam, then wrapped his arms around the trembling boy and held him tightly. Liam unknowingly reached up and clutched Harry's shirt.

Harry looked up at Niall and Louis, who were looking down on the pair with concern. "He's so hot," Harry said quietly.

"Maybe a cool cloth would be a good idea," Niall said. "For his forehead." He turned around and went back into the kitchen.

Louis sat down on the bed. "He should see a doctor."

Harry lightly stroked Liam's hair. "Li?" he said softly.

"Y-yeh..." Liam whispered back shakily.

"You need to see a doctor," he said. "You're running a temperature."

"Nnnn... N-no," Liam said, grimacing as he curled up even tighter. "No need for that."

"I know you don't want to," Harry said, "but you're not well. You need to look after yourself."

"Mfiiiine," Liam insisted, his voice sounding strained as he dragged out the last syllable. "Just need to sleep."

Niall was just returning with a cool washcloth, which he pressed gently against Liam's forehead as he took a seat beside Harry. "Mate," he said, "you've been asleep for a long time. You need to get up and eat something."

"No!" Liam said with a wince. "Please..."

"You need to put something in your stomach," Harry insisted.

"Don't want to," Liam breathed. "Hurts."

"Oh, would you look at that," Louis said, rolling his eyes. "He finally admits to having a symptom."

Harry shot him a glance. Louis already regretted saying anything. He had been meaning to lighten the mood, but he was becoming increasingly nervous about Liam's condition, which made his comment sound far more sarcastic than he had intended. Once in a while, he really wished he knew when to bite his tongue.

"That's why we need to get you to a doctor, Liam," Niall said. "Got to find out what's wrong."

"S'just a stomach bug," Liam mumbled, pulling the covers over his head and wishing that he could just disappear. "It'll go away."

Harry looked over at the clock. "I'll make you a deal, Liam," he said. "We'll let you rest for a little while longer, but if you aren't able to eat anything by suppertime, we're going to the hospital. Deal?"

"All right," Liam said, burying his face into Harry's chest.

Liam's answer surprised Louis, who raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's... progress?" he murmured. Liam wasn't behaving anything like his usual self. He didn't seem to have any idea what he was saying.

Niall's mouth twisted in concern. If Liam was expressing some amount of willingness to go to the hospital, something must be really wrong.

Harry slid down slightly on the bed and allowed Liam to make himself more comfortable. Liam automatically snuggled up closer to Harry and rested his head on Harry's chest. Niall re-positioned the cloth on Liam's forehead so that it wouldn't fall off and then pulled the blanket back over him.

The three conscious boys then looked around at each other, not knowing what to do with themselves. 

Noticing the worry etched on Niall's face, Louis spoke up. "Ni, want to go for a walk?"

Niall looked up. "A walk?"

"You know," Louis said. "Get some fresh air, give Liam some peace and quiet?"

Niall bit his lip and looked over at Harry.

"Go ahead, Niall," Harry urged. "I've got 'im."

Niall reluctantly stood up and followed Louis to the door. Louis looked over his shoulder at Harry, and the two exchanged a nod and a knowing glance before Louis and Niall headed out into the hallway and closed the door behind them.

Harry sighed quietly. Louis was full of terrible ideas sometimes, but it was smart of him to offer to take Niall for a walk to help him clear his mind, as he had been getting noticeably worked up. Louis probably also picked up on the fact that Liam was feeling rather vulnerable, so it would be best if he just had one person looking after him instead of three.

Harry looked down at Liam. He was finding it harder and harder to tell if Liam was actually asleep. His eyes were closed and his breathing was heavy, but Harry could feel his heart racing. The heat radiating from Liam's body was astounding. Despite the fact that Harry had offered Liam a "deal," he knew that there was no chance that they wouldn't be going to the hospital that night. Nevertheless, he thought it would be best to let Liam rest just a little while longer, in the comfort of his arms, before dragging him away against his wishes.

He lightly traced his fingers across Liam's back and felt him relax somewhat. This knowledge brought Harry some peace. He allowed his own eyes to close. Though he had intended to stay awake in order to keep a close eye on Liam, the sick boy's rhythmic breathing soon lulled Harry to sleep.

**************************

Harry awoke to find Liam attempting to sit up.

"Hey," Harry said, startled. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," Liam said, though his face was scrunched up in pain.

"What do you need?" Harry asked, sitting up quickly.

"Just... just going to..." Liam gestured in the direction of the washroom.

"I'll help you," Harry said, scrambling up from the bed.

"No, s'fine, I got it," Liam said, turning to plant his feet on the floor.

Harry scurried around the side of the bed and stood beside Liam, taking a hold of his left arm.

"M'fine, Haz, really," Liam said, oblivious to the look of worry that crossed Harry's face upon hearing Liam slur his words.

Liam placed his other shaking hand on the nightstand and carefully pulled himself up.

Harry watched Liam sway on the spot, wondering if he was having trouble standing because of pain, dizziness from fever, or a combination of the two.

"Easy, Liam," Harry said, firmly gripping his arm.

Liam took a deep breath and took a few slow, careful steps. Harry ducked his head and slid under Liam's arm so that it rested across his shoulders, making it easier for him to support his struggling friend.

They were about halfway to the washroom when Liam suddenly stopped walking and grabbed Harry's arm with his free hand. He let out a hiss, bending over at the waist.

"Oh, Liam," Harry said. "You _need_ to see a doctor. Look how much pain you're in!"

"Not... that bad.." Liam said breathlessly. 

"Shhh," Harry said. "The argument is over now."

Liam's head hung in exhaustion, or possibly defeat. After taking a few deep breaths, he lifted his head and started walking again. When they finally made it into the washroom, Harry helped Liam over to the toilet and continued to let Liam lean on him for support; the poor boy couldn't even stand on his own.

Harry couldn't help but notice that Liam was wincing more than usual. "Li..." he asked hesitantly. "Does it... hurt to wee?"

Liam didn't answer, which Harry took to mean, "yes."

When Liam had finished, he reached down and flushed the toilet. He was about to turn toward the sink, but his face suddenly paled (even more so than before, if that was possible). He sank down to his knees in front of the toilet.

"Liam!" Harry exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

"Just... m'gonna... m'gonna be..." he stuttered before proceeding to throw up.

At that moment, Harry heard the door to the hotel room open. "Lou!" Harry called out, trying to hide the panic in his voice.

"Haz?" Louis opened the bathroom door to find Harry on his knees, comforting a vomiting Liam.

"Can you call someone?" Harry pleaded. "We're going to the hospital. Now."

**************************

After examining Liam, the doctor quickly concluded that Liam had appendicitis and would require immediate surgery to have his appendix removed. Niall, Louis, and Harry were all a bit shocked when they found out that Liam needed an operation, but the doctor assured them that it was a very common procedure and that they didn't need to worry. However, he admitted that he was concerned about how high Liam's fever had gotten and that they would need to monitor him carefully post-op.

The surgery went well, and Liam was awake a few hours later, but he was in too much pain to get up and walk around. He was kept overnight for observation, but the next day, he seemed to be doing worse instead of better. He became quiet and withdrawn, which concerned the other boys, but the nurses kept reminding them that Liam was extremely tired and that his body had gone through a lot. 

The following day, after Liam had gotten more rest, he was far more animated and talkative, but he wasn't really making any sense. He chatted away with his friends, but he didn't seem to understand anything that they said to him, and he kept talking about things that had happened a long time ago. Later that afternoon, he became too disoriented to speak and didn't seem to know where he was. The nurses monitored and examined him carefully. When his fever continued to skyrocket, they determined that Liam had developed an infection, which was a fairly common complication from such a surgery. However, Liam required a second surgery to deal with the abscess that had begun to form. Once again, the procedure went well, but Liam had to be given strong antibiotics to make sure that the infection didn't come back.

Because the infection had been so severe, they were having a lot of trouble getting Liam's fever to break. They kept him well hydrated and gave him the strongest dose of antibiotics that they could, but his fever stayed high during the day following the second surgery. The boys never left his side during this time, and he kept trying to talk to them, but he seemed to be having a perpetual fever dream. He called them by the wrong names and spoke utter nonsense most of the time, which worried them to no end. When they spoke to the doctor, he informed them that though the fever in itself was concerning, the delirium that resulted from it was not particularly uncommon. Needless to say, however, they were all exceptionally relieved when his temperature finally began to go down. He was still weary and exhausted, but the nurses said that it wouldn't be long before he started feeling better.

**************************

Liam slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to find himself in an unfamiliar room. He could just barely make out the outline of a person sitting near the end of his bed. Blinking the sleep from his eyes as they adjusted to the light, Liam finally recognized the figure as Harry, who was looking down at the phone in his lap.

"Haz?" Liam croaked, slowly pulling himself up into a sitting position and wincing at the sharp pain that he felt in his side.

Harry lifted his head. "Liam?" He stood up quickly and shoved his phone into his pocket before hurrying over to Liam's side and taking his hand.

Niall, who had been napping in a chair somewhere to the left of Liam, was startled awake. "Li?" he called out. "He's up?"

"Yeah, he's awake," Harry replied. "I think he's _actually_ with us this time."

"Where are we?" Liam asked, blinking in confusion.

"At the hospital," Harry said. "You had to have your appendix removed."

Liam's eyes widened. "No shit!" he exclaimed, lifting the blanket and peering under it. He carefully pulled back his hospital gown to reveal the surgical incision on his abdomen.

"Huh," he said simply, eyeing the little row of stitches. "How about that."

"Gave us quiet a scare, Liam," Niall said shyly. "They had a hard time bringing your fever down."

"Ohh..." Liam said, not quite sure what was so concerning about a little fever. "I'm sorry?"

Niall let out a nervous laugh. "Not your fault, mate. Just glad you're feeling better now."

Liam looked around the room, "Where's Louis?" he asked.

"He just went to make a phone call," Niall said. "He'll be back soon."

"He'll be thrilled to see that you're awake," Harry said with a smile.

Liam nodded and closed his eyes, smiling. He didn't bother asking where the other missing face was. He went for a smoke break, no doubt. He would probably be around shortly as well.

Liam opened his eyes when he heard footsteps and looked over toward the door anxiously. Louis walked in with his head down, reading something on his phone.

"Lou?" Liam said, not sure why he phrased it as a question.

Louis' head snapped up, and his face broke into a grin. "Liam!" he exclaimed. "Good to have you back, mate!"

"Back..." Liam said softly, his brow furrowing. "How long was I... not back?"

Niall thought back. "You got sick earlier in the week, back at the hotel. You've been in the hospital for three nights."

"I don't..." Liam blinked. "I don't remember coming to the hospital."

"That's to be expected," Harry said. "You were delirious from the fever. I would be surprised if you remembered anything from the past couple of days."

"Let's do a quick check to make sure he doesn't have full-blown amnesia," Louis said jokingly. "Liam, what year is it?"

Liam raised an eyebrow. "2015."

Harry couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. Louis had only been kidding, but Harry had secretly been worrying that the fever had caused some sort of brain damage or memory loss, as the doctor had mentioned that as a possibility.

"Good work," Louis had said, patting him on the shoulder. "You're better at maths than you think you are."

"What does that have to do with maths?" Niall laughed. 

Liam slowly tuned out the playful conversation that was happening around him. He didn't mean to be rude, but he was becoming increasingly anxious to see his missing bandmate. The cigarette break seemed to be taking a long time, and it was starting to bother Liam. Though he was mostly alert now, he didn't really know what was going on; he had no recollection of the past few days, and he was still rather feverish although he was feeling slightly better. He needed all of his friends around him for reassurance. He stared at the doorway expectantly.

"Liam," Niall said, noticing that Liam had gone quiet. "You all right, mate?"

Liam looked over at Niall, somewhat startled. "What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," he said. He licked his lips, hoping he wouldn't seem too clingy once he asked his next question. "Umm... where's Zayn?"

All three boys looked at Liam in stunned silence.

"You... you want to see Zayn?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Well, I mean, yeah..." Liam said, blushing slightly. "I was just wondering where he is. Did he go out for a smoke?"

Harry and Louis exchanged a glance that Liam was having trouble interpreting. 

"He's not at the hospital, Liam," Niall said slowly.

"Oh," Liam said, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Is he... is he back at the hotel, or...?"

Louis cocked his head to the side, looking thoroughly baffled. "No, he's not... he's not _here_ Liam."

Liam did not understand what Louis was getting at, nor did he understand why Harry was staring at him, slack-jawed and silent. "Okay..." he said slowly. "Well, then... where is he?"

Niall blinked at Liam. "Well... at home, I reckon."

"At home?" Liam repeated. "What, in the UK? Why isn't he with us? Why did he have to go home?"

Niall was shaking his head in disbelief, his mouth hanging open as if he was in awe of what Liam was saying. "Liam... you mean you don't... you think..."

"Oh, God..." Harry said suddenly, his hand rising to cover his mouth. "Oh God, _no._ "

"Liam," Louis said suddenly. "Where do you think we are?"

Liam studied Louis' face, still struggling to figure out what was going on in his mind. "Well," he said, feeling suddenly uncomfortable, "last I recall, we were just finishing up the show in Adelaide."

Louis' eyes went wide. "Australia... _that's_ the last thing that you remember?"

"Yeah," Liam said, his pulse quickening. "Is that... am I wrong? Did I get sick after the show, or am I missing something, here?"

Harry let out a strangled sob. "Y-you don't... you really don't remember?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"Remember _what?_ " Liam asked, his voice rising in panic. He sat up straighter in bed. "Lads, what's going on?"

"Liam," Louis said, trying to keep his voice calm. "The show in Adelaide was three months ago. It's May, now."

Liam stared at Louis, dumbfounded. "Three... three months? I've forgotten the last three months?"

"It..." Harry swallowed back against another sob. "The doctor said that high fevers can lead to temporary amnesia." His voice sounded painfully strained.

"Three months..." Liam repeated to himself, staring ahead blankly. "How can that... what..."

"He has no idea," Niall said in a low, husky voice.

Liam looked up at Niall, his eyes wide and pleading. "What _is_ it?" he begged. "Tell me what happened!"

Niall put a hand on Liam's shoulder but did not say a word. He looked up at Louis, desperately.

"Liam..." Louis said softly. "Zayn isn't on tour with us."

"What... yes he is," Liam said insistently. "He was there in Adelaide." 

"Yes, he was," Niall said patiently. "But that was before..." 

"Before _what?_ " Liam sputtered.

Harry suddenly ducked his head and bolted from the room.

"Zayn quit the band, Liam," Louis said flatly.

Liam's heart hit the floor. "No..." 

"At the end of March," Niall added softly.

_"No,"_ Liam repeated more insistently. "It can't be."

"It's true, Liam," Niall said sympathetically. "He just didn't want to do it anymore."

"NO," Liam shouted, feeling his eyes beginning to sting with tears. "It's NOT TRUE."

"Liam, you twat," Louis said suddenly, his voice sharpening with anger. "Why would we lie to you about something like that? Zayn quit. He's done. He's not in the fucking band anymore. It's just us."

Niall whipped his head around. "Louis," he said sharply.

"Get out," Liam whispered. His arms were beginning to shake.

"Liam," Niall said gently, resting a hand on Liam's shoulder.

"Get _out_ ," Liam said more urgently, his entire body now violently trembling. "Just GET OUT!"

Louis turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. Niall looked down at Liam with a pained expression in his bright blue eyes, but he followed Louis out of the room.

Once Liam was alone, the tears fell freely down his face. 

_Zayn. Quit._

Liam looked around wildly, as if searching for answers in the room, and stopped when he spotted his cell phone sitting on the nightstand. He seized the phone and hurriedly scrolled through his contacts until he came across Zayn's name. 

_Zayn,_ he texted furiously, _tell me its not true. it can't be_

Liam's heart pounded as he waited for Zayn to respond. His level of panic rose with every second that passed. 

When several minutes went by without a response, Liam tapped out another message.

_mate, please talk 2 me_

He stared at the phone that he held in his trembling hand, waiting anxiously for the screen to light up, until his vision became blurred with tears.

He tapped on Zayn's name again and pressed the "call" button, figuring that calls were more difficult to ignore than text messages. The phone rang several times, but no one answered. Liam disconnected the call and tried again, and again, and again.

"Come on, Zayn," he whispered. "Pick up."

After the fifth or sixth try, Liam finally gave up. He rolled over onto his left side, clutching the phone tightly in his right hand, and sobbed quietly into his pillow. Zayn didn't even want to _talk_ to him. How could this be? The last thing that he remembered was finishing up an amazing performance with his four bandmates in Australia, but here he was, waking up three months later only to find out that his world had fallen apart.

He faintly heard footsteps approaching the bed and hastily wiped the tears from his face, assuming that a nurse was coming in to check on him, but he felt the mattress sink down as someone sat down on the bed next to him and soon felt a familiar warm weight pressed against his back.

"Harry..." Liam breathed. 

"Liam..." Harry whispered. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

Liam hiccuped slightly. "W-why did you..." he swallowed, trying to stifle a sob. "Where did you go?"

Harry draped his arm across Liam's chest and buried his face in Liam's shoulder. "I'm sorry I ran out," he said. "I just... you took it so hard the first time you found out, and..." Harry took a deep, shuddering breath, "... and... I just couldn't... I couldn't bear to watch you find out _again._ "

The tears started to fall once again. Liam kept his body angled away from Harry and covered his face with his hands.

"It's okay..." Harry said softly, stroking Liam's shoulder, which only made Liam cry harder.

Nothing about this was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is honestly the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written. I'm sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

When Liam had calmed down somewhat, he sniffed and rolled over onto his back. Harry lay stretched out on his side, looking down at Liam sadly.

Liam kept his gaze lowered, finding it too hard to look at Harry when sadness had robbed his eyes of their sparkle. He inched closer to Harry, seeking out any comfort the younger boy had to offer. Harry pulled Liam in toward his chest. 

"What happened?" Liam asked, his voice muffled slightly by Harry's shirt. "Why did he quit?"

Harry took a deep breath and sighed. "D'you want the short story or the long story?"

"I... just tell me what happened," Liam said, knowing that he would dread either response.

"Well," Harry began, in a tone that indicated that it was far from his favourite story to tell, "it was after we performed in Thailand."

"Thailand..." Liam repeated quietly, searching his memory for any record of the performance. 

"Louis and Zayn were partying in Phuket," Harry continued. "Someone posted a picture of Zayn with a fan, and the Internet exploded, accusing him of cheating on Perrie."

"Cheating?" Liam exclaimed, raising his eyebrows. "What were they doing in the picture?"

"That's just it," Harry sighed. "It was a completely innocent picture, but his hand was on her stomach, and... I don't know, it doesn't matter. The point is that people lost their minds over it, and Zayn panicked. He left the tour because he was stressed and needed to go sort everything out with Perrie, and then a few days later..." Harry trailed off.

Liam swallowed hard. "Yeah?"

"He was..." Harry paused. "He was apparently talking to the lawyers, trying to see if he could quit the band. And then he did."

"What, just like that?" Liam asked, looking up at Harry searchingly. "Why didn't anyone try to stop him?"

"We did," Harry said. "We really tried, Liam. Zayn called me to tell me about it at like two in the morning... he was crying. I tried to convince him to stay. I told him that it would get better and that we were all there for him, but... he said that it wasn’t a snap decision. He said that he had been unhappy for a long time and that he just couldn’t do it anymore. He insisted that it was the right time to leave, and there was nothing that I could do to change his mind."

Liam’s heart wrenched. It was evident that Harry hated reliving these memories as much as Liam hated hearing about them for what felt like the first time.

“Bawled like a baby, to be honest,” Harry continued. “We all did.”

"Louis and Niall, too?" Liam asked.

“Yeah, they took it hard. Probably not as hard as you, but they were really upset.”

Liam thought he saw Harry’s mouth beginning to curl into a smile.

“What?” he asked suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Harry said quickly. He paused, then let out a nervous laugh. “It’s not funny, it’s really not, but it’s just… the reporters were all writing about which band member seemed to be taking it the hardest. Not one of them suspected that it was you.”

Liam’s forehead became knotted with confusion. “Why not?”

Harry thought for a minute. “Well,” he began, “for one thing, you were the first one of us - actually, I think you’re still the only one – to make any kind of public statement about Zayn leaving.”

“Really?” Liam asked, raising his eyebrows. “What did I say?”

Harry spotted Liam’s phone lying at his side and reached over Liam to grab it. He tapped the screen a few times, scrolled down a bit, then turned the screen to face Liam.

Liam was presented with a message that appeared to be taken from his own Twitter feed. He took the phone from Harry and read the message. He read it and re-read it in silence. It was one of the strangest sensations he had ever experienced; he was taking comfort from his own message of support, which he didn't even remember writing. 

Harry nudged Liam gently. "You always did know exactly what to say," he said, smiling at him warmly. "The fans really appreciated the message."

Liam returned the smile halfheartedly, but he was becoming fixated on one particular line in the tweet:

**It's sad to think for the time being we won't grace the stage as five bros or have the same fun on a tour bus or laughs in a hotel together that we have over the years but I'm super sure us and zayn will always remain the closest friends.**

"Are will still friends?" he asked Harry suddenly.

Harry looked down at Liam. “What?”

“Us and Zayn, I mean,” Liam said. “Do we still get on all right? Are we still friends?”

Liam felt Harry stiffen, but he replied, “Of course we are,” without missing a beat.

Liam stared fixedly at Harry. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," Harry said quickly. "Just... I dunno. Haven't really talked to Zayn in a while. But it's all good. We're all good."

Liam was having a hard time believing Harry, but he stopped pressing him for fear that he would stop telling Liam what he wanted to hear. He looked back down at the phone screen.

"The post makes me seem far more optimistic than I feel right now," he said wistfully.

Harry gave Liam a reassuring squeeze. "To be fair, you were still extremely upset at the time, but you put on a brave face because you knew it was what the fans needed. It gets better, though. I mean... it _got_ better. It did, but..." Harry trailed off again, looking uneasy.

Liam looked up nervously. "Haz?"

"You were... _fuck_ ," Harry said, scrubbing a hand over his face. "You had just been coming to terms with everything and staying strong, and then... well, this."

Liam hid his face in Harry's shirt once again.

"Not to say that it hasn't been difficult or weird," Harry said quickly, rubbing Liam's back. "This week, we were getting ready to do our first television interviews with just the four of us."

Liam's face paled at that. He looked up at Harry with a frightened expression on his face.

"It's okay, Liam. They got cancelled."

Liam let his head drop back down, exhaling loudly.

"We couldn't do it, not while you were in the hospital," Harry said. "We wouldn't have been able to think straight. Not that that's all that unusual for us."

Liam smirked.

"But... yeah," Harry continued, readopting his sincere tone. "The priority was making sure that you got better. Everyone was very understanding when we had to postpone the interviews, but knowing management, they'll try to get them rescheduled as soon as you're better." 

Liam cringed. "Kind of wish you guys would have done them without me."

Harry shook his head. "There is no way we would have been able to get through them without you. Even if we wouldn't have been worried sick about you, I'm pretty sure Louis would have had a heart attack if you weren't there to answer all the tough questions."

"Louis..." Liam said quietly. "I yelled at him... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!"

Harry laughed. "Don't be sorry, mate. He deserved it. He was being a dick. He even said so."

"He did?" Liam asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Harry said, smiling. "I talked to him before I came in here."

"Oh," Liam said. "Where are Lou and Niall, anyway?"

"I think they're waiting for me in the sitting area," Harry said. "I'm probably going to get kicked out soon. Visiting hours were over a little while ago, but the nurse let me come in to check on you before the three of us head back to the hotel room for the night."

A look of confusion crossed Liam's face. "Where... where _are_ we, anyway?" Liam asked.

"Oh, right," Harry said, half laughing. "We're in America. New York. Guess I could have mentioned that."

"America..." Liam repeated, his eyes widening. "My parents..."

"They're here," Harry said. "In the city, I mean. They flew in this morning. They were here earlier, but you were still out of it. They went to the hotel to get some sleep. I called them before I came back to check on you, so they know you're awake now. We're all coming back in the morning."

"Okay..." Liam said, relaxing a bit. "Everyone okay?"

"Everyone's fine, Li," Harry said with a smile. "The question is, how are _you_ feeling?"

"Tired," Liam said simply, figuring that it was the most honest that he could be in a single word. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, he was exhausted. 

"You're probably drowsy from all of the medication," said Harry. "Hopefully, you'll get a good night's sleep."

"What time is it, anyway?" Liam asked, suddenly confused again.

Harry picked up Liam's phone and glanced at the screen. "9:55," he said. "PM," he added hastily, seeing that Liam still looked lost.

"Oh," Liam said. "So it's probably about time for you to go, then."

Harry nodded apologetically. "Yeah, I should go find the lads. Are you going to be okay for the night?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Liam said with yawn.

"You sure, mate?" Harry asked, looking at Liam with concern.

"I'm sure," Liam said. "Really. Go ahead."

Harry gave Liam a long hug before slowly standing up from the bed. "All right, then," he said, turning to face Liam before he headed out. "Get some rest, will you?"

"I will," Liam said. "See you in the morning, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course," Harry smiled. "Night, Liam."

"Night, Hazza."

Liam picked his phone up off of the bed and was about to place it back on the nightstand when he noticed that his Twitter feed was still open. Feeling suddenly curious, he began scrolling through his posts to see what he had (supposedly) had to say during the past three months.

He slowly scrolled upward through the feed, frowning slightly at how silly and unremarkable his tweets were. There was a follow-up post that thanked the fans for their support, but apart from that, he hadn't posted anything that made it seem like anything was out of the ordinary. There were several tweets about being tired, a few about writing for the upcoming album, one saying something about him wanting to be a cowboy... his posts were so typical that it was almost unsettling. 

He smiled when he came across the Trekstock posts. He remembered that he had intended to get involved with the charity again, so he was very pleased to see that the Prizeo campaign had apparently gone rather well.

When he reached the top of the Twitter feed, he returned the phone to the table and laid back down on the bed, heaving a sigh. His head hurt. His heart hurt. He still wasn't convinced that anything that he had heard within the past hour was real. He rolled over onto his side and shut his eyes. He told himself that everything would be back to normal in the morning because it was the only reality that he was prepared to accept (and the only one that would allow him to get any sleep). Before long, he had drifted into a restless slumber.

*******************************  


When Liam awoke the next morning, his parents were at his bedside. He was as relieved to see them as they were to see him lucid. Karen's eyes brimmed with tears as she smiled at her son, but she and Geoff refrained from telling him just how terrified they had been over the past few days. Liam assured them that he was feeling well, though he was still a bit drowsy and sore. Liam's parents told him that they had spoken to the doctors and that he would likely be able to get out of the hospital within the next day or two. 

As happy as he was to see his parents, Liam was becoming rather anxious to see the boys again. He really wanted to see them now that he had had a chance to calm down and process the information, and he needed to talk to Louis in particular. His parents seemed to sense that Liam was impatiently awaiting the arrival of his friends, judging by the way that he kept looking up expectantly every time he heard footsteps approaching the door. They laughingly assured him that Niall, Harry, and Louis were on their way; Karen and Geoff had spoken to them at the hotel just before they headed over themselves.

While the three of them were talking, a nurse came in to check Liam's vital signs. Liam's parents decided to take this as an opportunity to head down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. They promised that they would be back soon and that Liam's bandmates would be along shortly.

Not long after Karen, Geoff, and the nurse had all left the room, Liam was startled to hear the table rattling next to him and looked over to see that his phone was vibrating. He snatched it up, afraid to look at the screen because he knew exactly what he wanted it to say.

"H'lo?" he said breathlessly.

"Liam?"

Liam closed his eyes and sank down on the bed. "Zayn..." he breathed.

"What the hell's goin' on, Liam?" Zayn asked, his voice sharp with either frustration or concern (Liam couldn't tell which). "Why do I have six missed calls from you at two in the morning?"

Liam was silent. It had never occurred to him that Zayn could be in a different time zone, though on some level, he was still in denial about the fact that Zayn was actually back in the UK.

"S-sorry mate. Zayn. Sorry Zayn," he stuttered. "Forgot what time it was there..."

"S'fine, didn't wake me or anything," Zayn said, "but why were you calling? The text said something about 'tell me it's not true'? Tell you _what_ isn't true?"

"That..." Liam gulped. "That you quit the band."

The silence on the other end made Liam feel nauseous. 

" _...what?_ " Zayn finally asked.

Liam's voice began to shake. "Th-the lads told me that you quit the band and th-that that was why you weren't here, and... and I..." Liam took a deep breath. "And I thought it was some kind of a joke. I wanted you to tell me that it was just a joke."

"Liam, what are you _talking_ about?" Zayn asked, sounding utterly astonished.

"Just tell me it isn't true!" Liam pleaded.

"Stop fucking with me, Liam," Zayn said fiercely. "You know damned well that I left. That was months ago, and I don't know why you're..."

Liam wanted to cry when heard the edge in Zayn's voice. "I'm not fucking with you, Zayn," he said desperately. "They're telling me that I have memory loss, and apparently it's May now, but I don't..."

"Hold on," Zayn said. "Memory loss? What the hell happened?"

"Had to get my appendix out, but I guess the fever spiked, and..." Liam got choked up. "Now I don't remember you leaving."

"Appendix... you had surgery?" Zayn asked, suddenly sounding worried.

"Yeah..."

"You're in the hospital right now?"

"Yeah."

"Are you all right?"

That was a bit of a heavy question. "Physically, yeah. I'm fine. Fever's going down, they said," Liam sighed. "But I don't... I still don't understand."

"What's the last thing that you do remember?" Zayn asked.

"The last memory I have is from Australia. When we were in Adelaide," Liam said, not entirely sure why his eyes were welling up this time.

" _Shit_..." was all Zayn could say.

"Yeah..."

There was another sickeningly long pause. "Well..." Zayn began uncomfortably. "As you may have figured out by now, I did quit. At the end of March..." He trailed off again. "You really don't remember that?"

"No..." Liam said, his lip beginning to quiver.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Zayn asked. "I can't believe you've lost your memories!"

"It's fine, Zayn," Liam said hurriedly. "I think they said it was temporary."

"You _think?_ "

"Just don't worry about it, all right Zayn? It's fine." Liam shut his eyes.

"Must've been one hell of a fever, though..." Zayn said quietly.

"I guess..." Liam muttered.

"Shit... listen, Liam, I have to go. I'll..."

"No," Liam said, cutting Zayn off, "please, Zayn, I don't understand... why did you... you have to tell me..."

"I'll call you later Liam, yeah? I just can't talk right now. We'll talk later, I promise. Just... take care of yourself, mate. Please?"

 _Mate._ Liam's heart swelled at that. "Yeah... I will... but, talk soon, yeah?"

"'Course," Zayn said reassuringly. "Bye, Liam."

"Bye, Zayn," Liam whispered, keeping the phone pressed to his ear until it beeped, signalling that the call had been disconnected. He let the phone fall down into his lap and then heaved a sigh, burying his face in his hands.

He couldn't remember a damned thing. 

As much as he didn't really want to hear about what anyone had to say about Zayn quitting the band, his curiosity got the better of him. Zayn didn't tell him anything, and something about the way Harry had been acting made Liam feel like he wasn't getting the entire story.

He picked up his phone again and opened the Internet browser, then paused before typing "zayn malik" into the search bar.

His eyes glossed over the first headline that popped up, making out the words "Zayn" "Louis Tomlinson" and "Twitter spat."

Liam froze.

"What the _fuck_..." he muttered, tapping on the link.

He feverishly scanned through the article until his eyes fell upon the screenshot of Zayn's tweet:

**@Louis_Tomlinson: remember when you had a life and stopped making bitchy comments about mine ?**

His heart thudded loudly in his chest as he continued to read the back-and-forth banter between Louis and Naughty boy and statements about Harry Styles being "furious with his former best friend." The related links on the side of the page made him sick, referencing the "falling out" and "bad blood" between bandmates and speculating about the future of One Direction. 

He didn't want to read any more. He didn't want to see any of it, but he couldn't stop himself. He read through article after article, and each one seemed to bring even more bad news.

Liam was suddenly overwhelmed with panic. This could not be happening. Zayn Malik could not have left One Direction. Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles could not be fighting. One Direction could not be falling apart. Liam could not be losing the four best friends that he had ever had.

"Good morning, Liam! We..."

Louis' voice faded along with his smile. He squinted in confusion at Liam, who hadn't even seemed to notice that he, Harry, and Niall had just walked in to greet him.

"Liam?" Harry asked tentatively. "What are you...?"

The three boys stared at Liam for a moment, caught off-guard by the ashen-faced boy staring at the phone held in his trembling hand.

Harry froze when he remembered that he and Liam had been looking at his Twitter feed the night before; he could only imagine what Liam had stumbled upon. He hurried over to Liam's bedside and looked over his shoulder at the phone screen.

"Ohh... Liam, no..." Harry said, quickly pulling the phone out of Liam's hands. "You don't need to be reading that."

"What was it?" Niall asked worriedly, stepping forward. "What were you looking at, Li?"

Liam gaze remained fixed on his shaking hands. "It... th-they said that... we... we were..."

"Liam," Harry said sharply, "it doesn't matter what it said. You can't pay attention to anything those stupid gossip sites say. You know that."

Louis suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Harry glanced up at him, and the look on his face confirmed that Louis had correctly guessed what Liam had found on the Internet.

"It's not real..." Liam said quietly.

"What's not real, Liam?" asked Niall, still not understanding.

"It's not _true_..." Liam said, his voice slightly elevated. "What they said about us and Zayn... right?" Liam looked up at Louis pleadingly. "It's _not_ true?"

For the past few weeks, Louis had wished that he were better at keeping his mouth shut. For once, he was at a complete loss for words.

Liam stared at him expectantly, his eyes glistening with tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. "Louis..." he breathed. "Tell me it's not..."

"It's shit, Liam," Louis said quickly. "Anything those hacks write... it's bullshit, and you know it. You have to know that."

"Everybody's quitting the band," Liam said in a hushed whisper. "Everyone thinks Harry's going to leave next, but there's a bloody bookie betting five hundred pounds that it will be Niall, and Louis' apparently leaving because he's starting his own _record label?_ " Liam looked up at Louis again, his eyes begging for answers.

"No one is quitting the band, Liam," Louis insisted, his own voice quickly becoming agitated. "You have to believe me when I say that. Come on, mate, you remember! We were writing for the next album, you and I! It's going to be brilliant!" 

Liam swallowed. "S'not about... not about any of that..." he said, shaking his head. "What good is an album if we're all at each other's throats? You lads can't... can't do this... I've already lost Zayn, I can't... I can't lose you, too!" 

Niall placed a hand on Liam's shoulder. "Liam," he urged, "look at me!"

Liam squeezed his eyes shut, still shaking his head from side to side. "Can't... can't lose you... can't please..." Liam's breathing was becoming shallower and shallower.

Niall wrapped his hands around Liam's neck and pulled him closer until their foreheads were touching. "Liam," he repeated. "You've got to listen to me, okay? We're not going anywhere, do you understand? We are not leaving you." 

Liam was still breathing in rapid gasps, and the tears had begun to fall, leaving little wet splatters on the blanket below.

"You will never lose us," Harry said, rubbing Liam's back. "We will always have each other."

Liam threw his arms around Niall and buried his face in his shoulder, sobbing heavily. 

"Shh..." Niall soothed, lowering his arms and returning the embrace. "It's okay... you'll remember, everything's okay..."

Louis remained standing by the foot of the bed, immobilized with dread. He still had no idea what to say to Liam. He knew that he had fucked up by getting involved in all of the Naughty Boy drama, but until this point, his biggest concern had been that Harry had been right about him damaging the reputation of the band. Now, his biggest fear was that Liam would not be able to forgive him.

When Harry and Niall had calmed Liam down enough that he was able to speak, he drew back from Niall and wiped the tears from his face. "Everyone's fighting, though..." he whispered.

"No, Liam," Niall said uneasily. "It... it's not like that."

"You two are fighting?" Liam asked, looking from Harry to Louis. "And you... you started something with Zayn?" His voice was rising again.

"It was a _joke_ , Liam," Louis said, finally finding his voice. "I just made a stupid joke, then Zayn got all pissy about it. It wasn't even directed at him, it was about that fucking prick producer he hasn't stopped hanging around with."

"It doesn't matter," Liam said, his eyes narrowing. "Doesn't matter what you meant by it. What matters is Zayn doesn't want to talk to us. How could you do it? How could you?"

Louis was suddenly overwhelmed with anger. "Oh, you think you're so fucking _perfect_ , Liam?" he snapped. "I'm not the only one tweeting stupid jokes about Zayn. You're the one who posted a picture of you covering his face on the damned tour poster!"

Liam's face fell. "What..." he whispered.

Niall shook his head. "Liam, don't..." 

Liam wrestled his phone out of Harry's hands and frantically opened up his Twitter feed again, his eyes dancing across the screen in panic as he scrolled through the posts.

The boys knew immediately when Liam found what he was looking for. He seized up, the color draining from his face.

"No..." he whispered.

There it was. There was Liam, smiling brightly as he hid Zayn's face from view, "making light of a situation" as he erased him from the band's history. His eyes fell on the comment section, full of angry fans screaming, "HOW DARE YOU?!" and "WHY DON'T YOU COVER YOUR OWN FACE?!"

Liam dropped the phone. "My fault..." he muttered. "It's all my fault..."

"No, Liam," Harry insisted. "That picture was harmless... it was just a joke, and..."

"REALLY," Louis exclaimed bitterly. "Liam's picture was just a joke, but my comment was a slur? Why am I the one getting in shit when what he's done is no different?"

"It IS different, Louis," Harry snapped back. "He's not the one who upset Zayn."

"How do YOU know?" Louis barked. "When was the last time you talked to Zayn? He hasn't wanted anything to do with any of us since March. How do you know that Liam's not the one who pissed him off first?"

"Lads, STOP it!" Niall cried, his heart breaking over the look of despair in Liam's eyes.

Liam laid back down on the bed and covered his face with a pillow, praying for this nightmare to end.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any typos for now. I will proofread this chapter later.

"Louis, look what you're doing!" Harry hissed, gesturing toward the obviously distressed Liam.

Niall tried unsuccessfully to wrestle the pillow away from Liam, who looked like he was trying to smother himself.

"This is what pisses me off," Louis said. "What are you taking _his_ side for? Why am I always the enemy?"

"Oh Louis, give me a break," Harry groaned, rolling his eyes.

"No, I'm serious. Why is everything suddenly my fault? And where the fuck does Liam get off lecturing me when he doesn't even know what's been going on over the past three months? He doesn't _remember_ , yet he still has the gall to tell _me_ off? Maybe if he would just stop with this so-called 'Daddy Direction' bullshit and take some responsibility for himself for once, then..."

"Get out," Niall said quietly.

Louis looked down, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"Get out," Niall repeated. "Both of you."

Harry tilted his head to the side. "Nialler..."

"Don't 'Nialler' me," Niall said, raising his voice. "You two need to leave and sort out whatever you've got going on between you and leave Liam out of it. Can't you see what you're doing to him? He's _sick_. And _scared_. And it's overwhelming enough without you two in here biting each other's heads off."

Louis' expression of fury was softening into one of concern with a touch of fascination. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen Niall this angry. He didn't know he had it in him.

Harry looked back down at Liam, who still kept his face hidden but appeared to be shaking slightly.

"Li..." he said softly.

"GO," Niall shouted. "Both of you. _Now._ "

Louis, keeping an eyebrow raised, slowly backed out of the room. Harry solemnly lowered his head and followed him.

Once the other two boys had left, Niall gently lifted the pillow away from Liam. Liam squinted up at Niall, his face red, blotchy, and damp.

Niall had to fight back tears of his own. He had never seen Liam this distraught before. Prior to this day, the most upset he had seen Liam was right after Zayn had left back in March, but as devastated as Liam had been then, he had been somewhat prepared; Zayn's announcement had not come completely out of the blue. This time, however, Liam had absolutely no context for Zayn's decision. It was as though he had fallen asleep surrounded by his four best friends and woken in up in the middle of a catastrophe.

"I..." Liam gulped. "I didn't mean to..."

"Shhh," Niall whispered, gently brushing the tears from Liam's cheeks with his thumb. "You haven't done anything wrong."

Liam sniffed and rose back up to a sitting position. He picked his phone up out of his lap and quickly began typing something. Niall looked on with curiosity, wondering what Liam was looking for.

The look of intense concentration on Liam's face suddenly melted into one of dismay. There was a borderline childlike sadness in his eyes.

"Liam?" Niall asked worriedly.

"It... it's gone... the 1D's gone..." Liam said in disbelief, his eyes not straying from the phone screen.

Niall peered over Liam's shoulder and saw that he had opened up Zayn's Twitter profile.

"Ohh, Liam..." Niall said quietly, noting the way Liam's eyes fixated upon the "zaynmalik" handle.

"He took it out..." Liam whispered.

Niall gently took the phone out of Liam's hand. "You don't need to look at this stuff, Li," he said, setting the phone down on the nightstand. "Stop torturing yourself."

Liam sighed and hung his head in resignation. 

Niall stood up and sat down on the bed beside Liam and draped his arm across Liam's shoulders. Liam leaned into Niall instinctively, resting his head on Niall's shoulder and closing his eyes.

"It'll be okay. You know that, right?" Niall asked.

Liam cuddled up closer to Niall but didn't answer him.

Niall nuzzled him lightly. "Liam?"

Liam remained silent. He had no idea what to say. All he knew was that he felt secure in Niall's arms, and he feverishly latched onto this feeling. The longer he could delay Niall from letting go, the longer he could delude himself into thinking that the most important people in his life were not abandoning him.

Niall desperately wished that he knew what to say to Liam, but for now, he was just as content as Liam was to sit with him in comfortable silence.

***************

Harry and Louis were also sitting next to each other in silence, but it was a very different kind. They really hadn't been sure what to do with themselves when Niall kicked them out of the room, so they had just made their way to a small waiting room at the end of the hallway. The air was thick with tension and shame. 

Louis was tempted to break the silence by making some joke about Niall being on his period, but he stopped himself. He knew that Niall had been right to kick them out. It was not the first time that his emotions had gotten the better of him, but he felt terrible about how he had made Liam feel and wished that his brain could just keep up with his mouth.

"I'm thinking of writing a self-help book," he said finally, holding his hands in front of him as if envisioning the title. "How to Get Kicked Out of Liam Payne's Room: A Beginner's Guide."

"Hilarious," Harry muttered, rubbing his temples.

"So I guess Liam is the only one allowed to 'lighten the mood' after all?" Louis sighed, slouching in his seat.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Louis!" Harry groaned. "Would you stop comparing yourself to Liam? You both make shit jokes, how about that?"

Louis folded his arms over his chest and pouted. "Well, now you're just trying to hurt me."

"You've got to take this more seriously, Lou," Harry said sternly.

"On the contrary, Harold," Louis said, "I think we both need to lighten up a little and stop fighting about this whole stupid thing."

Harry sighed. "You're right about that last bit, at least," he said, putting his arms behind his head.

"'Course I am," Louis scoffed. "I'm always right."

Harry shoved Louis hard enough that he had to catch himself before he fell off of his chair.

"Hey!" Louis exclaimed, rubbing his arm and wincing exaggeratedly. "So much for not fighting."

Harry's mouth twitched. "Can't help it if you need to be put in your place from time to time."

Louis shook his head from side to side in mock disappointment. "Should have known you would resort to violence, Harold."

Harry finally allowed his lips to curl into a tight smile. "In all seriousness," he said, "Niall's right. We have to sort this all out. All we're doing is driving each other apart for no good reason, and it's killing Liam."

Louis looked down at his lap. "I never meant to upset Liam. I mean... I never meant to upset _anybody_. Well, except maybe Producer Shit-for-Brains. But I'm sorry, Haz. I really am."

"I know," Harry said. "I know you didn't mean any harm. None of us did."

"So you're not pissed at me?" Louis asked his eyes twinkling.

"I never said that," Harry said with a smirk. "I still think you need to get better at keeping your mouth shut sometimes."

Louis shrugged. "Got to keep everyone on their toes somehow."

Hearing the sound of footfalls in the hallway, both boys looked up just in time to see Niall walking past the waiting room. Niall did a double-take when he caught Harry and Louis out of the corner of his eye and strode into the room.

"You two idiots kiss and make up yet?" he asked.

Louis opened his arms invitingly toward Harry and leaned forward, puckering his lips. 

Harry planted the palm of his hand in the middle of Louis' face and shoved him backward, but once again, Louis managed to right himself before he completely toppled over. Rubbing his nose, Louis muttered, "Seems Harry likes it a bit rougher than I do."

"How's Liam?" Harry asked.

Niall sat down on Harry's either side. "He fell asleep," he said. "Passed out on my shoulder. I stayed with him for a bit cuz I didn't want him waking up alone, but his parents came back from the cafeteria. Thought I'd let them be for a while."

Harry nodded. "I think I heard Karen say that they're flying back home in the morning. Provided that Liam's recovering well, that is."

"Seems like he's doin' all right," Niall said, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. "He's still tired a lot, though."

"Knowing Liam, that's only a fraction of what's going on," Louis said with a sigh, "but he'll never admit it."

Harry nodded again, slowly. "You're not wrong there," he said. "We should check in on him later."

Niall nodded in agreement. "For now, though, let's give him some space. Let him sleep and see his parents before they leave. We'll just have to make sure we look after him once they do." Niall looked up at Harry and Louis and smiled seeing that Louis had draped himself over Harry's back when he wasn't looking. "He'll be pleased to see that you two aren't fighting anymore."

Louis smiled and ruffled Harry's hair. "Harry couldn't stay made at me, could you Harry?"

"Correction," Harry said: "I gave up trying to reason with you."

"Still sounds like a victory in my book," Louis said, kissing Harry's cheek with an obnoxiously loud smacking sound. Harry quickly whipped around and grabbed Louis by the shoulders, then swiftly leaned in and bit down on the side of Louis' neck.

"OW!" Louis cried out, shoving Harry away and rubbing at the site of the lovebite. "We really need to establish a safeword."

"Pussy," Harry said with a smirk. He turned back to Niall. "D'you think Liam will even want to see us?"

"'Course he will," Niall said, "but again, let's give him some space for a bit. In the meantime, we can figure out how we can possibly make him feel better."

******************************

Liam woke up to find his parents sitting at his bedside. For once, he was somewhat relieved that he wasn't waking up surrounded by his bandmates; he really could not stand the fighting and preferred to be blissfully unaware (at least temporarily) of any tension between the boys. 

He was also rather pleased to see that someone (presumably a nurse) had brought a tray of food in for him. He was dismayed to find out that he was only permitted have liquids for the time being, mostly because he wasn't quite sure how to go about eating his soup and Jell-O when he was far from willing to use the spoon that was provided for him, but he didn't complain. He waited for the soup to cool down enough that he could safely raise the bowl to his lips without fear of burning himself if he spilled it and chatted idly with his parents as he slowly made his way through his meal.

As much as he enjoyed being the company of his family, talking to his parents was becoming oddly unsettling. Because Liam was missing such a significant portion of his memory, it was difficult for his parents to engage him in conversation that wouldn't confuse or upset him. It was painfully obvious that they were trying to avoid talking about anything having to do with Zayn or One Direction in general, but that didn't help to keep it off of Liam's mind.

Liam loved his parents, but he was far from disappointed when a nurse interrupted their visit by coming in to check on him. She checked Liam's incision and said that it seemed to be healing well with no sign of further infection. She then took his temperature and said with a frown that it was still slightly elevated but that it should be back down to normal before too long. Since his condition had improved considerably, she said that it would be a good idea for him to start walking around and get his blood flowing. His parents left the room while the nurse removed his catheter and helped him put on a fresh hospital gown. When he was ready, his parents came back in to help him walk around.

Liam tried not to wince as he rose to a sitting position and turned toward the side of the bed. They had lightened the dosage on his pain medication, so his abdomen was feeling incredibly sore and making it difficult for him to move around. He tried to mask his pain in front of his parents by moving quickly and confidently, looking like he was beyond ready to hop out of bed.

"Careful, Liam," the nurse said gently. "Those legs haven't been used in a while. Just turn this way, let them hang over the side of the bed... good, like that."

Liam lifted and lowered his legs alternately, trying to get the blood flowing again. When he was ready, he carefully rose to his feet, and his parents quickly slipped in on either side to grab hold of his arms.

"All right, good. Baby steps, now," the nurse coached.

With minimal assistance, Liam was able to walk around the room. 

"Can I walk down the hall?" Liam asked. He knew that walking around after surgery was good for him, but he was also secretly hoping to run into the boys. He hadn't seen them in a while and was becoming concerned.

The nurse looked hesitant. "We can try it, but we're not going to go too far. You've got to take it easy."

Geoff and Karen helped Liam over to the door and they started walking down the hall, but it was apparent that they weren't going to get very far. Though Liam remained stoic as usual and tried to give no indication that he was in pain, his mother could read him like a book.

"I think that's enough for today, Liam," she said gently.

"M'fine, mum," Liam said hurriedly, though droplets of sweat were beginning to collect on his forehead. "Feels good to be up an movin' around."

However, it was obvious that it was becoming increasingly harder for him to take a step; his legs were beginning to wobble, and he looked like he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Okay, Liam," the nurse said. "That's good for now. Let's get you back in bed."

The three of them led Liam back into the room and helped him sit down on the bed. He lay back down and closed his eyes, feeling dizzy and defeated.

As reluctant as Karen was to leave her son's side, she could tell that Liam was embarrassed and figured that he might value some time to himself. She also suspected that he was beginning to miss his friends.

"Liam, would you mind if your father and I went for a little walk?" she asked.

Liam shook his head. His mother knew him far too well.

"If we run into any of the boys, should we send them up?"

 _Bless her,_ he thought, nodding gratefully.

"All right," she said, kissing the top of his head. "We'll be back later." With that, she Geoff headed out of the room.

"How are you feeling, Liam?" asked the nurse.

"Grand," Liam said, hoping that he sounded genuine.

"How would you rate your pain, on a scale of one to ten?"

"Idunno. A two," Liam mumbled.

The nurse smirked. "Be honest, Liam," she said. "You just had surgery."

"I'm fine, really," Liam insisted. "Just a bit sore. Can I walk around a bit more later?"

The nurse nodded. "Later, though. It's normal to feel achy or lightheaded when you're still recovering, so that's why at first, we only walk for short distances at a time. You can't push yourself too hard. And don't try to get up on your own! If you need to get out of bed, just press the call button, and I'll come and help you. Promise?"

"Promise," Liam said, nodding.

"All right, then. Get some rest, and I'll be back in to check on you in a little while!" she said, heading out of the room.

Liam folded his arms behind his head and stared up in the ceiling. These days, any time he was left alone with his thoughts, they drifted off in one direction and one direction only. 

He turned his head toward the phone sitting on his nightstand. He picked it up and opened up his messages to see if by chance, there was a message or call from Zayn that he had missed.

Nothing.

He stared at the phone in his hand for a moment. As desperately as he wanted to talk to Zayn, he was almost afraid to do so. He had no memory of any of the interactions that he had had with Zayn since February. For all he knew, Zayn hated him. What if Louis was right? What if Liam was the one responsible for driving Zayn away? Harry had insisted that Liam's little Twitter joke was harmless, but what if that wasn't the only stab that he had taken at his former bandmate (and best mate)? The thought was too much for Liam to bear.

 _Zayn,_ Liam texted, _i don't remember any of the shit thats gone on in the last little while, but im truly sorry for anything that i did._

He quickly "send" before he could change his mind and stared intently at the screen, waiting anxiously for a reply.

He knew that it was unreasonable to expect an immediate reply, especially since Zayn sounded like he had a lot going on judging from the way he had hastily ended their phone call earlier in the day. That didn't make the wait any less agonizing.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he found himself typing again.

_I'm tryin to make sense whats been going on, but I just can't. i know you've had a hard time with all of this and i'm trying to be understanding but its so hard because i dont remember anything bad happening. i only remember the good stuff. i remember the music and the laughs and not having a care in the world. i remember us being best mates and im glad that thats my last memory of you but i hope that you remember it too._

Though he knew it was far too long for a text message, Liam just kept typing.

_you'll always b a part of 1D no matter what but if you don't want to be in the band anymore, i respect your decision. that doesn't mean i'm okay with you not being in my life. i just want everything to be okay again. i know that the past cant just be erased but whatever it is, we can fix it. we have too._

The words began to run together as his vision became blurred with tears. 

He heard the sound of footsteps approaching approaching his room, so he quickly sent the message and threw the phone back down on the nightstand. He hastily swiped at the tears on his face, even though he knew it would be impossible to hide all of the evidence that he had been crying.

"Li?" Harry called softly.

Liam looked up to see Harry, Niall, and Louis hovering in the doorway.

He lowered his head and frantically wiped at his eyes again.

He felt his mattress sink down next to him and was soon surrounded by the warmth of Harry's arms.

"What's wrong, Liam?" Harry asked softly.

Liam leaned into Harry but didn't respond.

Louis and Niall sat down on the bed on Liam's other side.

"Finally got these wankers to shut up at least," Niall said with a hopeful smile, gesturing between Louis and Harry.

A smile spread across Liam's face. "'Bout time," he said. The fact that Harry and Louis weren't fighting anymore meant more to Liam than Niall could imagine.

"How are you feeling?" Louis asked.

"Good," Liam said. "Got out of bed for a bit."

"Yeah?" Niall said brightly. "That's good!"

"Yeah," Liam said quietly, finding himself sinking more and more into Harry's embrace. Without really thinking about it, he reached out and took Niall's hand.

Niall glanced down at their intertwined hands, then back up at Liam. "Li?" he said.

"Hmm?"

"You know we're not... going anywhere right?" Niall asked tentatively.

Liam stared at Niall searchingly for a moment, then averted his gaze and nodded solemnly.

Louis rubbed Liam's leg. Though he knew they wouldn't be able to get Liam to say much about what was bothering him, it was pretty obvious what was going on. "You really don't have anything to worry about, you know," he said. "I know we gave you a scare, and... I'm sorry, Liam. I really am. Believe me, no one ever wanted to upset you. That's just how I am, you know? I say some things that I really shouldn't, and of course we fight sometimes, but that's... that's just all part of it. No matter what, you'll never lose us. We'll always be there for each other."

The absolute sincerity in Louis' voice made Liam speechless.

"I..." he faltered.

Harry held Liam tightly while Niall gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I just... I love you lads so _much..._ " he whispered.

"Oh, now don't go getting all sappy on us, Liam," Louis grinned, his eyes regaining their mischievous twinkle.

Liam tried - and failed- to shove Louis off of the bed with his leg. Undaunted, Louis just scooted up closer to Niall and leaned in toward Liam, wrapping his arms around his chest. Harry lifted his arm out of the way and draped it around Louis, welcoming him into his and Liam's embrace. On Liam's other side, Niall followed suit.

"We love you too, Liam," Louis said. 

Liam closed his eyes and smiled widely, fighting back tears of joy. He still felt woefully incomplete without Zayn, but for now, in this moment, it was enough to be surrounded by the love of his three bandmates. He knew they felt it, too.

**********************

The three boys spent the rest of the day hanging out in Liam's room. Niall turned on the television at some point and started leafing through the channels, and the trashy reality shows that they kept stumbling across proved to be far more entertaining than they should have been. Before long, Karen and Geoff returned to Liam's room and joined in on the laughter.

When Liam's dinner arrived, the boys headed down to the cafeteria to get something to eat themselves (though not before Louis had a chance to rub Liam's sad-looking liquid diet in his face). This gave Liam a chance to spend a bit more quality time with his parents before they had to leave. When the boys came back up to the room, Liam and his parents said their goodbyes, and they headed back to their hotel to get some sleep before catching their flight back to the UK in the morning.

Liam was unbelievably grateful for the fact that he and his bandmates were laughing together again, but he could not stop his gaze from wandering over to his phone, which had yet to show any signs of life since he texted Zayn. Deep down, he was becoming more and more convinced that there was something that the other boys weren't telling him; there had to be a reason why Zayn seemingly wanted nothing to do with Liam.

He tried to avoid letting his disappointment show and focus on enjoying the company of his friends. He was rather fascinated by the way that they all three boys managed to go from raucous teenager mode to mother hen mode in the blink of an eye. At one point, Harry was trying to pull Louis off of Niall, whom he had trapped in a headlock for one reason or another. However, the second Liam appeared to shift uncomfortably in his bed, all three boys were suddenly surrounding him, asking if he was in pain, if he was nauseous, if needed water, if he needed the toilet... It was endearing, embarrassing, and exhausting all at the same time.

Before long, visiting hours were coming to a close, and Harry received a call saying that there was a car waiting outside to take him, Niall, and Louis back to the hotel for the night.

"You going to be all right, Liam?" Niall asked.

"For sure, mate," Liam said. "Don't worry about me."

The three of them took turns giving Liam a hug and wishing him a good night before they all headed out of the room together.

No sooner had the three of them left than Liam seized his phone from the nightstand. He stared dejectedly at the screen that still had yet to bear a message from Zayn. Putting the phone down at his side, he heaved a sigh. There was no chance of hearing back from Zayn now; he was certain to be asleep, as it would have been the middle of the night in Britain. 

_That settles it, then,_ thought Liam. _I'll never hear from Zayn again._

Liam almost laughed at how melodramatic that thought sounded, even in his head. It didn't seem possible that he and Zayn were no longer friends, but he didn't understand why Zayn didn't want to talk to him.

He picked his phone back up, determined to find some answers. Niall had warned him to stay off of the Internet, but he couldn't help himself. If something had happened between him and Zayn, he wanted to know about it.

After opening up the Internet browser, he typed in what seemed like the most logical search string: "liam payne zayn malik."

The first thing that he found was a Billboard article that talked about one of the band's first few performances without Zayn.

_...performing without Zayn?_

The thought hadn't even occurred to Liam before this point, but of _course_ they had performed without Zayn; they had several tour dates scheduled for March and April, and, well, the show must go on. Nonetheless, the idea that they had officially performed as a four-piece band gave him chills.

Liam read on about how he had apparently run off of the stage at the beginning of Through the Dark in Johannesburg. The story was supplemented with a picture of teary-eyed Liam that was apparently taken while he was singing his verse in Night Changes. He stared at the photograph, desperately trying to remember being on that stage.

It suddenly occurred to him that there had to be video footage of that performance, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to see it. Up until this point, he would have been able to remain in denial had he chosen to do so. He could still convince himself that they had taken advantage of his memory loss and set up some sort of colossal prank. For all he knew, the articles he had read had been posted as some sort of elaborate April Fool's joke, and the boys just went along with it on Twitter. It was only a matter of time before they finally revealed to Liam that it had all been a hoax and that all was right in the world. 

Now, if he were to watch that video, if he were to see for himself that they were one member down, he would instantly shatter the illusion that he had created for himself.

Before he could think about it, he found himself searching "one direction through the dark johannesburg." He had quite a few links to choose from. Feeling suddenly sick to his stomach, he grabbed his headphones from the nightstand and put them in his ears, plugging the other end into his phone. He took a deep breath before taking the plunge, tapping on the first link that came up.

As he listened to himself sing the first verse of the song, he listened for any sign that his voice had wavered, but he didn't hear it. In the video, he and the others seemed to be carrying on as usual.

_You tell me that you're sad and lost your way,_  
_You tell me that your fears are here to stay,_  
_But I know you were only hiding,_  
_And I just want to see you_

The article may have been wrong about Liam crying during the performance, but that didn't stop the lump from forming in Liam's throat as he listened to it.

He closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillow. It was so surreal to hear the song being sung without Zayn. It may not have been the first time that they had performed with one of their members missing (as a few of them had had to miss shows due to illness), but there was something different this time. It wasn't a feeling that Liam could describe. 

Liam's heart pounded when he heard Harry's voice singing what would have been Zayn's part.

_I wish that I could take you to the start_  
_I'd never let you fall and break your heart_  
_And if you want to cry or fall apart, I'd be there to hold you_

...

_Fuck._

The tears flowed freely down Liam's face. This performance was painfully symbolic. Just like that, Zayn was out of his life. It was too much. It was too real. 

He suddenly felt someone brush the tears off of his cheeks. Feeling instantly embarrassed that one of the nurses had walked in on him crying, he started trying to come up with some excuse in his head and opened his eyes just as he opened his mouth to speak. 

His breath hitched when his own brown eyes met a familiar pair of warm, hazel ones. The latter began to glimmer as the lips of Liam's new visitor curled upward into a shy, tentative smile.

"Hey, Liam," said Zayn. "Miss me already?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any typos.

Liam felt his mouth form the name _Zayn_ , but he wasn't sure whether or not the sound actually escaped his lips.

Zayn smiled and reached over to pull the headphones out of Liam's ears.

" _Zayn._ "

"Liam." Zayn's tone was soft, but his eyes were bright.

Stunned, Liam slowly lifted a trembling arm until his fingertips made contact with Zayn's chest. He pushed gently as if checking to see whether or not Zayn was solid.

Zayn looked down at Liam's hand and then back up at his face. "Mate, are you okay?" he asked, suddenly looking alarmed.

Liam was still staring at Zayn in awe. "What are you _doing_ here?" he whispered.

Zayn grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it closer to Liam's bedside before taking a seat. "I came to see you," he said simply, as if the answer were that obvious.

Liam blinked. "But weren't you at home?"

Zayn nodded. "Yeah... got on a plane not long after I spoke to you on the phone."

Liam was still looking at Zayn as if he was speaking Greek to him. "...but _why_?"

He thought he caught Zayn's eyes twinkling with amusement, but Zayn quickly lowered his head and looked down at his fidgeting hands.

"Was worried about you," he said quietly. 

"About me?" Liam repeated.

Zayn rolled his eyes. "Yeah, mate. You just had emergency surgery, and apparently you were so sick that you forgot most of this year? Yeah, I was worried about you."

"But enough to come all the way down here?" Liam said, still not entirely convinced that he wasn't dreaming. "How did you even know where I was?"

"I contacted management to find out which hospital," Zayn explained. "And yeah, I just... Idunno, I felt like I needed to come down here and speak to you in person." He averted his gaze again. "You know," he said gently, "earlier today... on the phone... that was the first time I had heard your voice since the last time I saw you."

Liam stared at Zayn, dumbfounded. "You mean... we haven't spoken since... what, March?"

Zayn nodded slowly. "Yeah..."

Liam shook his head, open-mouthed. "But why not? Why wouldn't... I don't get it. Why aren't we talking? Were we fighting? Was it because of that picture thing? Because I don't even remember doing that, and I can't believe I did, and..."

"No, Liam," Zayn said quickly. "We weren't havin' a row or anything. It's not like that."

"But then why weren't we talking?" Liam asked again. "You really mean to tell me that I haven't called you, messaged you... _anything_ in over two months?"

Zayn shook his head. "Nothing." 

Seeing that Liam's eyes were becoming bright with tears, Zayn hurriedly added, "But don't feel bad. No, I don't blame you at all. It's been... it's been a weird few months, Liam. I know you don't remember, but it's been hard for us to know what to say to each other. That's why I never initiated anything either."

By now, the tears were threatening to spill from Liam's eyes once again. "What's _happened_ to us?" he whispered.

"Hey, hey," Zayn soothed, quickly getting up from his chair and joining Liam on the bed. 

Liam latched onto Zayn, wrapping his arms around his friend's small frame and hiding his face against his chest.

"Liam, it's all right," Zayn said, enveloping Liam in his arms.

"It's _not_ ," Liam said with a sniff. "Nothing about this is all right. We used to be best mates. Now you're telling me that not only are you not in the band, but we're not even _talking_ anymore?"

Zayn paused. "It... it's complicated, Liam," he said hesitantly. "We've all been dealing with a lot, so... it hasn't been easy. It's been a crazy time for all of us. But that doesn't mean we're not mates anymore."

Zayn could feel Liam shaking with silent sobs. He had never seen Liam this upset before, and he really wasn't sure how to handle it. It was hard to know what to say to reassure him, so he settled for holding Liam tightly and allowing him to just let it all out. 

He didn't know how much time passed, but he became worried when Liam's breathing remained shaky and erratic and decided that he needed to break the silence.

"You're warm," Zayn said softly. "Have you still got a fever?"

"J-just a bit," said Liam. "S'goin' away."

Zayn frowned. "You're still ill, then," he said. "Must've really pissed off your appendix."

"I'm fine," Liam said quickly.

Zayn pushed back Liam's hair and looked into his eyes. "Are you?" he asked steadily.

Liam had given up on trying to hold the tears back at this point. He took a deep, shuddering breath and whispered, "I'm just... lost."

"Lost..." Zayn echoed.

"Lost," Liam repeated. "I have no idea what's going on, and it scares me."

Zayn nodded slowly. "It's all right," he said. "It'll come back to you."

Liam looked searchingly at Zayn. He had so many questions that he didn't know where to begin, but he was just now beginning to notice the dark circles under Zayn's eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. "You look exhausted."

"Oh, I'm fine," Zayn said, rubbing at his eyes. "Just jet-lagged as hell."

"You should get some sleep, mate," Liam said. "We can talk in the morning."

"Yeah," Zayn said with a yawn, lying down beside Liam. "Should probably get to my hotel for the night."

"S'getting late," Liam nodded. Realizing what time it was, he looked down at Zayn quizzically. "How'd you get in here, anyway? Aren't visiting hours over?"

Zayn rested his head on Liam's shoulder. "Yeah," he said sleepily, "but the nurse let me come see you cuz I told her I'd just gotten off the plane."

"Ah," Liam said, feeling his eyelids getting heavy. "S'good of her."

"Yeah..." Zayn replied, though his voice was barely audible.

Liam closed his eyes, mumbling something about hoping Zayn would come back in the morning, but he didn't quite make it to the end of the sentence before he drifted off.

******************************

"Well, I'll be damned!"

Liam was startled awake by Niall's exclamation and opened his eyes to find three stunned-looking bandmates standing at the foot of his bed. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why they looked so shocked until he became vaguely aware of a warm weight resting on his chest and looked down to find that he and Zayn had apparently fallen asleep in each other's arms.

"If that's not a sight for sore eyes!" Niall said brightly, his expression of awe melting into one of delight.

Harry now looked more confused than anything. "How did he...?"

"What is he _doing_ here?" Louis asked sharply, cutting Harry off.

Liam blinked, still not entirely awake. Why did Louis look so stern?

Zayn began to stir beside Liam. Louis suddenly got a funny look on his face and bolted out of the room.

Harry looked over his shoulder at the doorway, bewildered. "Lou?" he called out. "What the hell?" He turned and followed Louis out of the room.

Zayn slowly opened his eyes and squinted, trying to make out his surroundings. As the hospital room slowly came into focus, he realized that he was draped over Liam, who was now fully awake. Mumbling some sort of sleepy, nonsensical apology, he slowly lifted himself off of Liam and rose to a sitting position, rubbing at his eyes.

"Zayn!" Niall said excitedly.

Zayn quickly turned his head, blinking in confusion. He broke into a smile when he saw the beaming Irish lad standing before him.

"Niall," he said happily, opening his arms just before Niall threw himself at him.

"What the hell, mate!" Niall said, squeezing the life out of Zayn. "Fucking good to see you!"

"I'd say the same if I could breathe," Zayn gasped.

"Sorry, lad," Niall said, laughing as he reluctantly pulled away from Zayn. "How the hell are ya?"

"Better now," Zayn said jokingly, massaging his ribcage. "How are you?"

"Grand!" Niall said. "What're you doin' here?"

Zayn shrugged. "Heard Liam was sick, and... idunno," he said shyly, "kind of a long story." He looked past Niall to the doorway. "Are Harry and Louis here, too?"

"Ahh, they're around somewhere," Niall said, gesturing dismissively in the direction of the hallway. "Who knows what those two are doin'. They'll be around soon enough."

Liam frowned. He didn't know what was going on with Harry and Louis, but something didn't feel right. He looked quizzically at Niall.

Sensing Liam's concern, Niall straightened up. "Actually," he said, "I probably should see where they've gotten off to. I'll be back!"

As happy as Liam had been to see Niall, he had also been hoping to have the opportunity to speak to Zayn in private before all of the boys inevitably convened in his room. He flashed a grateful smile at Niall, who nodded knowingly and returned the smile before turning and ducking out into the hallway.

Liam looked up at Zayn. "Good morning," he said cheerily.

Zayn stretched his arms. "Mornin'. Sorry I fell asleep on you. The time difference fucked me right up."

"No worries, mate," Liam smiled. "Hope you got some rest."

Zayn nodded, looking at Liam curiously. "You seem to be feeling much better than you were yesterday."

Liam looked down, suddenly shy. "I'm just happy you're here."

Zayn smirked. "You think Louis will be just as happy to see me?"

"Well... yeah, why wouldn't he?" Liam asked uneasily, recalling the way that Louis had run out of the room earlier.

Zayn squeezed Liam's arm affectionately and sighed. "Reckon he's still pissed at me."

" _Why?_ " Liam asked, sounding more exasperated than anything else. "Why is everyone mad at each other?"

"Each other?" Zayn frowned. "Figured everyone was just cross with _me._ "

Liam shrugged. "Lou and Harry were having a row about something, but I think they're over it now. Why do you think everyone's cross with you?"

"Because I left, Liam," Zayn said. "Weren't you... I mean, _aren't_ you angry?"

"No," Liam said quickly. "No, I... not angry, just..." He stopped abruptly, then looked up at Zayn. "Why _did_ you leave?" he asked, sounding genuinely mystified.

Zayn took a deep breath. "It was just time, Liam. You know - or, at least, you _did_ \- that I hadn't really been happy for a while. Being on the road was exhaustin', and never having any privacy... I mean, it's always bugged me, but then when my relationship was threatened because of it... that was it, just couldn't do it anymore. Wasn't fair to anyone, not me, not Perrie, not the fans, certainly not to you lads."

Liam nodded solemnly. "Right..." he said quietly, hoping he could mask his complete lack of understanding by seeming supportive. 

Zayn gave Liam a sad smile. "I know it's really hard to understand without knowing what's been going on, but... just know that it wasn't a decision that came out of nowhere. It was a long time coming, if I'm honest."

"You were..." Liam hesitated. "You were unhappy? For that long?"

"Well, I mean... I was struggling," Zayn said. "Don't look at me like that, Liam! It had nothing to do with you lads. I still loved that aspect of touring... you know, getting to hang out with my mates, but... it just got harder and harder to be away from home and from Perrie all the time. It got to the point where I just couldn't take it and had to get out."

"I get it, mate," Liam said. "I do, really. I know how hard it can be. I didn't mean to react so selfishly. It's just that I'm really going to... I mean, I'm gonna miss..."

Liam paused to clear his throat. 

"I'm really going to miss you... and our time spent together as a band... but you have to know that I'll always support you, no matter what."

Wordlessly, Zayn leaned down and hugged Liam. Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn and held him tightly, his fingers digging lightly into Zayn's back, wishing he could keep him anchored by his side indefinitely.

"I don't want any of you to hate me," Zayn said quietly.

"Could never," Liam whispered back. "You'll always be our brother."

Zayn held Liam a little more tightly before finally pulling back.

"I know I said it already," Liam said, blushing slightly, "but... I'm really glad you're here."

"Yeah, me too," Zayn said, just as shyly.

Even though he was still struggling to come to terms with everything that was happening, Liam felt secure and reassured with Zayn at his side. Now, all that he wanted was for all of his bandmates - past and present - to be together again. He looked anxiously out the door, realizing that Niall and the others had been gone for quite some time.

"What's wrong?" Zayn asked.

"Nothing," Liam said. "Just a bit restless."

"Can't say I blame you," Zayn said.

Liam pushed himself up to a sitting position, ignoring the sharp pain he felt in his abdomen as he did so. "Just going to go to the toilet," he said, turning and letting his legs hang over the side of the bed. 

"Careful now," Zayn said cautiously. "Are you supposed to get out of bed?"

"Yeah," Liam said, "they said it's a good idea for me to walk around as much as possible." Liam didn't mention that he was told to take it easy at first, nor that he was not to try and get up and walk around on his own.

"Do you need help?" Zayn asked, quickly standing up from the bed.

"Nah, mate, I'm good," Liam said confidently. Liam already felt as though he was too emotionally dependent on his friends, so the last thing that he wanted was to become a physical burden as well. Besides, he thought, he didn't need the other lads thinking that he needed help doing something as simple as using the washroom. He slowly inched forward on the bed until his feet were low enough to touch the ground.

Zayn hurried to Liam's side anyway and slipped a hand under Liam's elbow.

"Really, mate, I'm all good. Relax," Liam said, gently shrugging off Zayn's hand. Zayn withdrew his arm but did not leave Liam's side.

When Liam felt that his feet were firmly grounded, he took a step forward. He let out an involuntary hiss, not entirely prepared for he searing pain that he felt around the incision site.

"Liam!" Zayn said, his eyes widening. He grabbed onto Liam's arm to steady him as he hunched over.

"M'fine, Zayn," Liam said hurriedly, his hand hovering near the wound. "Just the stitches pulling a little." He flashed Zayn the best reassuring smile he could muster and pulled his arm out of Zayn's grasp.

 _I can get by without you, Zayn_ , he thought. _I'm going to have to, aren't I?_

Liam strode forward as confidently as he could, moving far more quickly than he should have been. Zayn said nothing but matched Liam's every step and watched him carefully, his eyebrows knitted together with concern.

When Liam reached the bathroom, he placed a hand on the doorknob to steady himself and sighed inwardly with relief. While he maintained that he did not need Zayn's help, he was willing to admit to himself that he may have stood up a little too fast. Nonetheless, he was certain that the lightheadedness would pass.

Zayn frowned at Liam. "I don't trust you," he said.

"All's well, mate," Liam said hurriedly, "I'll be out in a second." He slipped into the bathroom and closed and locked the door behind him before Zayn could get any ideas and follow him in.

He placed one hand flat against the wall to steady himself and clutched at his abdomen with the other. He was incredibly sore today, and the short walk across the room had made him unreasonably dizzy. He finished up in the bathroom as quickly as he could and fumbled with the lock as he tried to exit.

"Liam?" Zayn asked, hearing the sound of Liam repeatedly trying - and failing - to unlock the door.

"Yeah, coming," Liam mumbled as his shaking hands finally managed to move the lock into the right position. When he opened the door, he slowly lifted his head just in time to catch a glimspe of Zayn staring at him with wide eyes before his vision began to blur. He reached out for Zayn's hand and thought he heard a distant shout before everything went dark.

********************

"Lou, what is your problem?" Harry asked desperately.

Louis was pacing back and forth in the waiting room. "I just don't understand what he's _doing_ here," he muttered.

"He heard Liam wasn't well and came to see him," Niall said. "What's so hard to understand?"

"Who even _told_ him that Liam was sick?" Louis demanded. "Was it one of you?"

"Wasn't me, no," Harry said.

"I haven't talked to him..." Niall said quietly.

"Exactly!" Louis said fiercely. "He hasn't had anything to say to us in over two months, and now he just fucking flies in from the UK?"

"He was worried about Liam!" Harry exclaimed. "He came to visit his friend in the hospital! Why are you so unraveled over this?"

Louis stared intensely at Harry and opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. He looked at Niall and held out a hand in his direction as if hoping that Niall would hand him his next line, but Niall just stared curiously back at Louis. A second ago, Louis had appeared to be downright furious. Now, he just looked overwhelmed. 

Louis let his hands fall to his side. He slowly sank down to the ground and propped his elbows up on his knees, resting his forehead in his palms.

Harry and Niall sat down on either side of Louis. Harry rubbed his back slowly. "Lou, what _is_ it?" he implored.

"I just..." Louis sighed. "I don't know what to say to him."

"Louis, it's _Zayn_ ," Niall said. 

"I know, I know, but..." Louis took a deep breath. "I fucked it up, didn't I? I hadn't said a word to him since he left the band, and then I went and offended him because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut on Twitter. Now he'll probably never want to see me again, let alone... _fuck_ , what am I supposed to say?"

"That's what this is about?" Harry asked. "You're afraid he hates you?"

"Are you forgetting who we're talking about?" Niall asked, sounding almost amused.

"I _know,_ all right?" Louis repeated. "I know he's not the type to hold a grudge, but... Jesus, lads, don't pretend that things aren't different now."

Harry and Niall looked at each other. Louis wasn't necessarily wrong; things _had_ changed.

"I just never thought it would be like this," Louis said softly.

Niall rested a hand on Louis' arm. "Look," he said. "We've all had a long and strange few months. Maybe things aren't exactly like they used to be. And maybe that's the understatement of the year. But none of that matters right now, right? Point is that Zayn is here now, and it's up to us to move forward."

Louis ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"I get why you're worried," Harry said. "I know this is unexpected, and maybe things will be a bit uncomfortable at first, but... he's our friend. He's _your_ friend. That's all that matters, and you know that will never change."

"Maybe..." Louis muttered.

Harry was somewhat in awe of the Louis that he had tucked under his arm. It wasn't like Louis to be this stressed out about... well, _anything_ , really. It was odd enough that Louis was so anxious about talking to Zayn, of all people, but Harry couldn't help but find it ironic that Louis, who was known for getting into trouble for being too outspoken, was now panicked over not knowing what to say.

Niall stood up and extended his hand. "Come on, you wuss," he said, pulling Louis up off of the floor. "Let's just go back to Liam's room. We'll talk to Zayn, and everything will be fine."

*****************

Cold. Far too cold. 

Liam's first thought was that the room was far too cold. And hard. The bed he was lying on was cold and hard. And his _head_... God, did his head hurt. And the noise really wasn't helping. Why did people have to be shouting at this hour?

"Fuck, what _happened?_ "

"He's bleedin'!"

"What were you THINKING, letting him get up on his own?"

"I DIDN'T, I was right there, but..."

"SOMEONE GET THE DAMN NURSE!"

"I hit the call button! Someone's coming!"

"Oh calm, _down_ , fer God's sake! Yer not helpin' anything!"

"Liam! Hey, Liam..."

At least _one_ of the voices wasn't loud.

"Liam..." the softest voice repeated. "Wake up..."

"Mmm.. five more minutes..." Liam mumbled. He didn't know what was causing all of the commotion that he was waking up to, but he wasn't anxious to find out.

"He's awake!" he heard someone say. Niall. That one was distinctly Niall.

"Liam," the gentle voice said more urgently, "please, open your eyes?"

Slowly, reluctantly, Liam opened his eyes, wincing in response to the bright light that welcomed him back to reality. The emerald green eyes that danced nervously before Liam's could only belong to Harry.

"H-Haz?" Liam croaked.

"Talk to us, Liam," Niall said. "Are you all right?"

"My _head..._ " Liam whispered, slowly lifting an arm to reach up and feel the back of his head.

"Shh, no," Harry said gently, taking Liam's hand in his own. "Don't touch it." 

Liam blinked. "Am I... on the floor?" He lifted his head and tried to sit up.

Niall placed a hand on Liam's shoulder and resisted him gently. "No, don't move, all right?"

"Why... what happened?" Liam whispered, wincing again as the back of his head throbbed.

"You passed out and hit your head," Harry said. "We're just waiting for the nurse."

As if on cue, two nurses came hurrying into the room.

"Liam," a female nurse said, crouching down at his side, "can you hear me?"

Liam thought this was a silly question at first, but he realized that it wasn't obvious that he was alert, since he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Yeah..." he said.

The nurse slid some kind of cloth under Liam's neck and began applying pressure to the back of his head. "Liam," she said, "didn't you promise me that you would page a nurse if you needed to get out of bed?"

Liam felt his face heating up. "I... well, I mean... yes, but... I thought I could... I'm sorry..."

He heard a voice (unmistakably Louis') pipe up from the other side of the room, "See? He wasn't even allowed to get up without the nurse's help!"

"I didn't know!" Zayn exclaimed. "He said he was fine!" 

"And you believed him?" Louis asked incredulously, "so you just thought it would be a great idea to let him walk around by himself when he just had _surgery?_ "

"No!" Zayn cried. "I didn't! I was right there! I tried to help him, but he wouldn't let me! And I waited outside of the door for him, but when he was coming out, he started falling backwards, and I couldn't catch him, and I..." Zayn's voice broke. "I tried! I didn't mean for him to get hurt, I..."

"Well, he _did_ ," Louis said. Then, under his breath, he muttered, "as if you haven't hurt him enough."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Zayn demanded.

"Lads, seriously..." Niall said warningly.

"Oh, come off it, Zayn," Louis snapped. "You know damned well what I'm talking about."

"If you're saying..." Zayn inhaled deeply. "If you're talking about the goddamned band right now..."

 _No_ , Liam reeled. _This can't be happening. Not again._

"Stop..." he whispered. "Please, make them stop..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [to be continued]


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay, okay," the female nurse said. "There are far too many people in this room right now. Why don't you four step out for a minute to cool off while we get Liam back in bed?"

Louis' head snapped around. "But..."

"We'll take good care of him," the male nurse assured, "but I think he could really use some peace and quiet right now."

"Let's get out of their way, Lou," Zayn said quietly.

Louis looked down at Liam, then up at the nurse, then reluctantly stepped out of the room with Zayn dragging behind.

Liam squeezed Harry's and Niall's hands.

Niall looked down at Liam, biting his lip. "Do you need any help getting him back into bed?"

"If you'd like," the nurse said. 

"I can get up on my own," Liam said feebly.

"Oh, shut up, Payno," Niall said with a weak smile. 

The nurse kept the cloth pressed to the back of Liam's head while Harry and Niall each slid arm under Liam's shoulders. The male nurse came around and took Liam's legs. Slowly and gently, the four of them lifted Liam back onto the bed. They set him down so that he could sit upright with his legs hanging over the edge. He seemed far more alert now, but he kept his head down.

"What happened, Liam?" Harry asked.

"I... I don't know," Liam sighed. "I got up to go to the loo, and... I was a bit dizzy, I guess."

"All right, Liam," the female nurse said as she examined the wound on the back of his head. "You need to promise me you won't try getting up on your own again."

"I promise," Liam said sheepishly.

"Seriously, Liam," Harry said anxiously. "Don't be too proud to ask for help. You're not out of the woods yet."

"I know, I'm sorry," Liam said, cringing. 

Harry leaned down and rested his forehead against Liam's shoulder.

"I didn't mean to scare you, Hazza," Liam said softly.

"I know," Harry whispered. "Just... you know."

"Yeah..."

Niall squeezed Liam's other shoulder. "How do you feel now, Liam? Be honest."

"I'm all right," Liam said earnestly. "Just... you know, smarts a bit."

The nurse examining Liam's head nodded. "You'll have quite a bump, there," she said, "but it looks like the bleeding's almost stopped. You won't need even need stitches."

Liam smiled. "That's good."

"Why did he faint in the first place, though?" Niall asked, looking worried. "Is there something... wrong with him?"

The other nurse shook his head. "It's not uncommon for patients who are on bedrest after surgery to have occasional bouts of dizziness when they first start trying to move around," he said. "Liam's fever is down, so it was probably just the result of poor circulation. We'll be monitoring him closely just to make sure, and we'll also keep an eye out for signs of a concussion, but you don't have anything to worry about."

Niall nodded slowly. "Okay."

The female nurse pressed a piece of gauze to the back of Liam's head. "We'll just get you bandaged up, then you should take it easy for a while."

Harry lifted his head. "Can we do anything for you, Liam? Or should we just leave you alone?"

"Can you..." Liam swallowed. "Can you make sure Zayn and Louis are all right?"

"They're fine, Liam," Niall said. "You know them. Louis' just overreacting, and Zayn knows how to deal with him."

Liam paused. "I know, but... can you check on them anyway?" His voice had gone awfully quiet.

"Sure, Liam," Harry said, nodding reassuringly. "We'll go see what they're up to. We'll be back soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay," Liam exhaled, closing his eyes. He looked visibly more relaxed.

"Don't try any of your own stunts this time," Niall said cheekily.

Harry lightly touched Niall's arm, urging him forward. Niall turned to follow Harry out of the room, but not before he caught Liam's mouth curving upward into a tentative smile.

**********************

They stepped out into the hallway to find Zayn sitting on the floor with his head tilted back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. He lifted his head and looked over when he heard them approach.

"Is he okay?" he asked quietly, looking up with a sadness in his eyes that struck Niall as being all too familiar.

"He's okay," Niall said reassuringly. "It looked like he was bleeding a lot, but the wound was superficial and he doesn't need stitches. They don't think he has a concussion or anything either."

Zayn nodded slowly. "I didn't mean for him to... I didn't know..."

"It's not your fault, Zayn," Niall said hurriedly. "Believe me, no one thinks it's your fault. We all know Payno is too stubborn to admit when he needs help. Well, that is, when he's not too thick to recognize it."

"I was right there," Zayn replied quietly. "I tried to catch him, but it was the way he fell. I couldn't..."

"Zayn," Harry said, "don't beat yourself up. You did everything you could, and Liam is fine."

"Try telling Louis that," Zayn said. "He won't even look at me."

Niall sat down next to Zayn and put an arm around him.

"You have to know that he doesn't actually think it's your fault," Harry said. "Whenever Louis gets upset or scared, he needs to have someone to blame. That's just how he is."

"Where is he, anyway?" asked Niall.

Zayn nodded in the direction of the waiting room down the hall. "Someone should talk to him," Zayn said. "He's a wreck."

"I'll go check on him," Harry said, heading off to the waiting room.

Niall watched Harry walk away, then turned to Zayn and gave him a tight hug. "We've missed you," he said quietly.

"I missed you, too," Zayn sighed, leaning into Niall. "I've missed... well, apparently, I missed a lot of things."

"What d'you mean?" Niall asked.

Zayn shrugged. "Looks like a lot can change in a few months."

This gave Niall pause. He didn't know precisely what Zayn was referring to, but things _had_ changed, hadn't they? The boys had spent a turbulent five years together, but though life on the road had been difficult at times, getting along had always been the easy part; the boys just fell together so naturally. Now, the five of them struggled to remain in the same room.

Zayn's distress fell upon Niall as he sighed against Niall's shoulder, triggering another uncomfortably familiar sensation in the younger lad. His mind drifted back to the previous day when he had comforted Liam in the wake of Louis' squabble with Harry. It dawned on Niall that out of all of them, Zayn had the best sense of what Liam was going through; Liam had no recollection of the past three months, and Zayn simply hadn't been around, so they were both strangers to tension and bizarre dynamics that had developed between the boys. They couldn't deal with the way things were because they only remembered the way things used to be.

As Niall held Zayn, he couldn't help but wonder how difficult it would be to start over.

**************

Harry walked into the waiting room to find Louis pacing back and forth once again.

"Lou..." he said gently.

Louis shook his head. "Don't," he said, turning away from Harry.

"Louis, everything is okay," Harry pressed. "Liam's all right."

"Liam is _not_ all right," Louis said. "He's destroyed. Zayn fucking _broke_ him. And we let this happen. We should have been there... _I_ should have been there... he shouldn't have to... _fuck_." Louis stopped pacing and raked his fingers anxiously through his hair.

Harry approached Louis and rested a hand on his arm. "This is no one's fault, Louis."

"It IS!" Louis shouted, yanking his arm away from Harry. "I fucked all of this up. If I would have just... if I'd have been there... but no, I left because I couldn't face Zayn, and now look at--" He shook his head as voice broke completely.

 _"Louis..."_ Harry breathed, slipping in front of Louis and taking a hold of his trembling hands.

 _"No,"_ Louis whimpered.

"Louis, _look_ at me," Harry coaxed, lowering his head in an attempt to draw Louis' eyes to his own.

Louis shook his head, his face twisting into a pained expression. He hid his face against his arm.

Harry yanked on Louis' arm forcefully, drawing him close and throwing his own arms around Louis' torso. He felt Louis' body slacken against his own and then shudder with a heavy sob. Harry said nothing but squeezed him as tightly as he could.

"I... I didn't..." Louis whimpered. 

"Shhhh..." Harry soothed, trailing his fingers lightly along Louis' arm.

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's middle and buried his face against his neck, sobbing helplessly. Harry knew that nothing needed to be said; he held Louis silently and allowed him to tell his story without words. He held on as Louis shook with anger, fear, and despair. He remained steady and supportive as Louis collapsed in complete resignation. He leaned in as Louis pressed closer, seeking the security and warmth that only a friend like Harry could provide. 

When Louis finally calmed down enough that he stopped shaking, Harry gave him another reassuring squeeze before gently pulling back just enough that he could look at his face.

Louis sniffed and swiped hastily at his eyes. "We have to fix it..." he whispered.

Harry nodded. "Let's," he said.

Hearing the smile in Harry's voice, Louis looked up in curiosity. Harry's eyes shone with the hope that Louis had been so desperately searching for.

He nodded slowly and let Harry take his hand and lead him out of the waiting room.

Zayn and Niall lifted their heads as the shadows of Louis and Harry fell upon them. Zayn's eyes widened as he took in the sight of a red-faced and puffy-eyed Tomlinson.

"Zayn..." Louis sniffled.

"...Louis," Zayn said cautiously.

There was a heavy pause before Louis slowly extended his hand. Raising an eyebrow, Zayn curiously lifted his own hand in preparation to accept the slightly awkward handshake, but in one swift motion, Louis grabbed a hold of Zayn's forearm and yanked him off the ground, throwing his arms around him. Zayn looked startled at first, but he did not hesitate to return the embrace.

"Zayn..." Louis whispered, "I-I didn't... I didn't mean..."

"I know," Zayn said hurriedly. "I know."

"M'so sorry," Louis choked.

"Don't have to say anythin', Lou. Really," Zayn said. 

Louis nodded and reluctantly released his hold on Zayn only to have him immediately replaced with an armful of Niall.

"Thank you," Niall whispered.

Louis didn't quite understand what he was being thanked for, but he willingly enveloped the grateful boy in his arms and ruffled his hair affectionately.

Zayn turned to Harry, who met his gaze with wide, searching eyes. Zayn flushed and smiled shyly, realizing that he and Harry had yet to properly greet each other since he'd been back. Harry's face relaxed into one bearing a coy, knowing smile as he opened his arms wide, a gesture that the Bradford boy was all too grateful to accept.

"Missed you, Zayn," Harry whispered into Zayn's ear.

"Missed you too, mate," Zayn replied, letting the hug linger on for far longer than what would have seemed necessary otherwise.

Harry patted Zayn on the back before pulling back and turning to the others. "Well," he said, "shall we?"

********************

The four boys crept cautiously into Liam's room. The nurses were gone, and Liam was lying back on the bed with his eyes closed. He slowly lifted his head when he heard footsteps approaching. When he saw the four of them hovering in the doorway, he reached out toward them with a shaky hand.

Zayn and Louis swiftly approached Liam on opposite sides of the bed. Niall joined Louis on Liam's left while Harry remained glued to Zayn's side. Liam tried to lift himself up to a sitting position but winced as his head gave an unexpected throb.

"Don't get up, stupid," Louis said hurriedly, placing a firm hand on his shoulder and easing him back down to the mattress. Liam relented, his eyes swimming with dizziness, but he reached out desperately until his right hand found its way into Harry's and Niall's hand slipped into his left.

He wanted to weep at the sight of his four bandmates finally united around him and shut his eyes quickly out of fear of becoming too attached to the scene.

"Liam, what's wrong?" Zayn asked, squeezing Liam's shoulder. "Do you want us to leave?"

"NO," Liam choked out sharply, startling even himself. "No, please..." He unknowingly gripped Niall's and Harry's hands very tightly.

Louis, whose face was still blotchy and stained with tears, rested his hand on Liam's head protectively and lightly stroked his forehead with his thumb.

Liam's cheeks flushed as his eyes welled up for what felt like the hundredth time. He couldn't believe that he was crying in front of his bandmates _again_ , but he couldn't compete with all of this emotion.

"What is it, Liam?" Niall asked quietly. 

"Everyone's... here..." Liam whispered.

Louis' head dropped to Liam's shoulder as a quiet sob escaped. Niall's rubbed Louis' back with his free hand and tilted his head toward the ceiling as he blinked back tears of his own, which prevented him from seeing Harry and Zayn shield their eyes for very similar reasons.

"Fucking sap," Louis sniffled.

The other four laughed, wiping tears from their eyes.

"Bit of a disaster, aren't we?" Liam said with a sheepish smile, absentmindedly stroking Louis' hair.

"Usually," Harry grinned.

Louis straightened up and attempted to compose himself. "I'm just fantastic. I don't know what's wrong with all of you."

"Yeah, you sure look it, Tommo," Niall laughed, mussing up Louis' hair.

Louis swatted Niall's arm away and then turned toward Zayn and Harry. "So," he said simply.

Zayn raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"So... what's all this exactly? Why are you... what's going on?" Louis asked.

"Oh," Zayn said, fiddling lightly with the sleeve of Liam's hospital gown. "Well... I was at home, and I got a call from Liam..."

Liam bit his lip, remembering the frantic phone calls.

"He was in a bit of a panic," Zayn continued. "He was asking if it was true that I'd left, and... I dunno, thought it was all a massive joke at first, but then he told me everything, that he really didn't remember and that he was in the hospital, and... I just... I had to come down. I didn't even really think twice about it. I'd been meaning to get in touch with you lads for a while, and it never seemed like the right time... like, I never really knew how to go about it or what to say, but then when I found out what was going on with Liam... that was it. So I got on a plane yesterday afternoon, and... well, here we are."

"Huh," Louis said dimly. "Just like that."

"Yeah..." Zayn said awkwardly.

"Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say it's fuckin' good to see you, mate," Niall said. "How've you been? What've you been up to?"

Zayn smiled and shrugged. "Just takin' it easy to be honest. Spending time with Perrie and family, hanging in the studio every now and then just for fun, avoiding paps like the plague... the usual."

Harry smirked. "So much for being a normal 22-year-old, then?"

Zayn shrugged again. "Well, you know. What about you lads? What're you doing in America anyway?"

"Well, we _did_ have a bunch of interviews lined up," Louis said, "but then Payno here had to go and break his appendix."

Liam snorted at that. "Hey, you should be thanking me, mate. You were losing your mind over those interviews and you know it."

"Interviews?" Zayn echoed.

"Yeah," Niall said. "Our first interviews since... I mean without... yeah."

"Ohh..." Zayn said quietly.

"Yeah, Liam's surgery bought us some time," Louis said, "but we're going to have to bite that bullet sooner or later."

"Maybe not," Liam said thoughtfully. "Maybe by the time I get out of here, the world will have forgotten about us completely."

Niall sighed. "Not likely, unless N*Sync is making a comeback."

Harry's eyes sparkled. "I could make a few calls..."

Zayn chuckled. "Come off it. You'll never stop being the best band in the world."

Liam blinked at Zayn. "Wasn't that..." He trailed off.

Niall looked at Liam curiously. "What is it, Liam?" he asked.

Liam squinted as if it would help bring his glimmer of recognition into focus. "That just... I don't know, déja vu or something. Sorry, never mind."

Zayn nodded slowly, understanding. "That was what I said in my statement," he said. "'I know that they will continue to be the best band in the world.' You remember that?"

His statement. _The_ statement. It was sickeningly familiar.

"Don't want to," Liam mumbled. "Don't want to think about that right now."

"Liam, it's all right, it's..."

"Shh," Liam interrupted. "You're here right now, and that's all that matters."

Zayn smiled. "Right," he said. "I'm here."

"You're here," Liam repeated, pulling Zayn down into a hug.

"The hell is this, a Nicholas Sparks film?" 

Louis' incredulous remark was punctuated by a short yelp as Niall punched him on the arm.

Dizzy with delight, Liam smiled and let his eyes close. He vaguely heard Zayn laughing and Harry making fun of Louis, but he didn't really know or care what anyone was saying. All he knew was that his four best friends were laughing together again, and that was more than enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to write such a short chapter and for just generally sucking at everything. I just decided to split up the conclusion a bit, so there will be one more chapter with a bit of an epilogue. Thank you for putting up with all of my assorted nonsense.
> 
> I'm not sure when the update will be because I think I'm going to disappear from ao3 for a while...


	6. Chapter 6

Despite the minor setbacks that Liam had experienced on his road to recovery, his condition drastically improved in the days that followed. He still had some lingering pain from the surgery, but his fever was completely gone within a day, and it wasn't long before he could start eating solid foods again. He was also getting out of bed more and more and didn't have nearly as much trouble walking around. After spending one long week in the hospital, all five boys were delighted to hear that Liam would finally be released. 

“This really isn’t necessary,” Liam insisted as a nurse helped him transfer from his bed into a wheelchair. “I can walk just fine.”

“Right,” Niall teased. “Just like the last time you said that.”

The nurse smiled. “You can show off your walking skills in the parking lot. It’s just hospital policy that discharged patients be escorted out of the hospital by wheelchair.”

Liam obediently lowered himself into the chair, and the nurse wheeled him out of the room with Harry, Zayn, Niall, and Louis following.

"Now, make sure you take it easy for the next little while, Liam," the nurse said. "Drink plenty of fluids, and rest when you're tired. Try to get up and walk a bit every day, but don't do anything strenuous."

"Don't worry," Louis said. "We won't let him party too hard."

Though they had yet to reschedule any of the previously cancelled interviews, the boys all decided to extend their stay in America while management got everything sorted out. It made more sense for Liam to stay behind and recover rather than fly back to the UK, and it gave the five of them a chance to relax and spend some time together. 

When they had made there way down to the parking lot in front of the hospital, they found a van waiting to pick them up. As Liam started to rise from his wheelchair, Zayn and Niall quickly hurried to his sides to help him up.

"I've got it, lads," he said, but they ignored him and each took a hold of one arm.

"Get used to it, Payno," Louis grinned. "WE'RE your nurses now. You'll be at our mercy."

Liam groaned inwardly at the thought of his four mates fawning over him, but he knew they meant well.

******************************************

"Louis, were you planning on sharing at all?"

Louis lifted his head up from the bed and looked to his right to find Niall pouting and eyeing the Pringles can in his hand. 

He chuckled a little. "Now now, Nialler. No need to fret." He put the lid back on the can and wound back his arm to toss it to Niall.

"NO," Niall shouted scrambling up from the bed and hurrying over to Louis, snatching the Pringles from his hand. "My God, lad, you can't just _throw_ them. Trying to leave me with a can of crumbs? Irresponsible." He turned around in a huff and headed back over to the other bed, taking a seat at the foot just ahead of Liam and Zayn.

Reclining next to Louis on the bed, Harry smiled. "Come on, Lou. Even you know better than that."

Louis dug his elbow into Harry's ribcage in response. Harry yelped and seized Louis by the middle, knowing exactly where he was the most ticklish. Louis laughed and squealed hysterically as he tried to wiggle out of Harry's grasp.

Watching from the other bed, Niall shook his head in mock disappointment. "Kids these days," he muttered, reaching into the Pringles can.

Liam smiled and leaned into Zayn, who was sitting next to him on the bed with his arm draped over Liam's shoulders. Several days beforehand, Zayn cancelled his reservation at the hotel that he had originally booked in favour of getting a room in the same hotel as the other boys, but he had yet to spend any time in his own room. 

They had spent the good part of the afternoon chilling out in the hotel room and playing video games, but as usual, they had gotten distracted. 

Louis cackled as he desperately tried to escape Harry's merciless tickling. "H- _help_ me, you bastards!" he gasped.

Zayn grabbed the pillow next to him and whipped it as hard as he could with his free arm, managing to hit Louis squarely in the face. Niall nodded approvingly and applauded, looking slightly ridiculous with two Pringles protruding from his mouth in duck-lip formation.

"OY," Louis shouted. "Some help you are, mate!" He hurled the pillow back blindly, and Liam and Zayn couldn't contain their laughter when it collided with Niall's face, shattering his makeshift beak.

"ACK!" Niall sputtered, trying to catch the crumbs that fell from his mouth. "What did I ever do to you?" He launched himself on top of Louis in support of Harry's assault.

Liam's eyes drifted from the Harry/Louis/Niall dogpile as he turned to face Zayn with a smile. "Doesn't this just... feel right?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah," Zayn said with a fond smile. "I missed it."

Liam nudged Zayn affectionately on the shoulder with his forehead. "Will you still... you know, hang out with us?"

Zayn nudged Liam back. "Try keeping me away, mate," he said, smiling warmly.

Niall rolled off of Louis and onto the floor and looked at up at Zayn. "You know you can come back, right?"

Zayn blushed slightly. "Niall, I can't just..."

"I mean," Niall cut him off quickly, "even if you don't want to rejoin the band, you can... I mean, you can still come _back_. Like, to perform with us once in a while..."

Zayn looked up but did not say anything.

"Yeah," Liam said thoughtfully. "Like for a special performance. It'd be the best of both worlds! You wouldn't have to be away from Perrie and stressing yourself out on tour. You could just join us for a show every now and then, like as a special guest."

Zayn bit his lip. "I mean... would you guys even... be okay with that?"

"Are you joking?" Harry exclaimed, straightening up and helping Louis do the same. "That would be amazing! Not to mention that the fans would go nuts. A 1D reunion... think of it."

"But..." Zayn hesitated. "Wouldn't you lads... and other people... be bitter about me doing that? After I've quit the band?"

The other four boys shook their heads in unison. "'Course not, mate," Niall said. "Besides, you can say that you've quit the band all you want, but let's face it: you'll never _actually_ stop being a part of it."

"One-fifth..." Louis said quietly.

Zayn looked over. "What?"

Louis looked down. "There's a reason why my Twitter bio still says, '1/5 of One Direction,'" he muttered.

Everything was silent for a moment. Zayn stared at Louis as if in awe.

Liam cuddled up closer to Zayn. "Don't feel pressured to do anything, mate," he mumbled. "We just miss you is all."

Zayn hugged Liam reassuringly. "I miss you all, too," he said. "More than you know. I just... I don't know what to say."

Louis waved his hand. "Don't say anything," he said, sitting back down on the bed and picking up the game controller that he had abandoned earlier. "Just let me DESTROY YOU!"

Zayn chuckled and picked up his own controller.

Liam smiled and closed his eyes, savouring the sweet sound of the lighthearted banter that followed.

******************************************

"Liam... hey, Liam!"

Liam awoke with a start and was surprised to find that the room was dark and his heart was pounding. _When had he fallen asleep?_

Once his eyes had adjusted enough to allow him to focus on the person shaking his shoulder, he could just barely make out the concerned expression on Zayn's face.

"You were talking in your sleep," Zayn whispered. "Are you all right?"

"I-I..." Liam stammered, breathing heavily. "I don't even remember falling asleep."

"You drifted off while we were playing video games," Zayn replied. "The doctors said that you would probably still get tired a lot while you're recovering from the surgery, so we just let you sleep."

"Right... okay," Liam breathed.

Noticing that Liam was sweating, Zayn pressed the back of his hand to Liam's cheek to see if he was feverish. "Bad dream, mate?" he asked.

Liam squinted, trying to remember.

"Harry..." he whispered. "Harry was crying..."

Liam felt Zayn tense up slightly before he lowered his hand. 

"He was holding his phone and crying," Liam continued. "I kept asking him what was wrong, but I couldn't..." Liam bit his lip. "It felt so _real._ "

"Was just a dream, Liam," Zayn said quickly. "Harry's fine, see?" He pointed toward the other bed.

Liam rolled over onto his left side and saw Harry sleeping peacefully at the edge of the other bed. On the other side of Harry, Louis was sleeping as peacefully as he could with Niall starfished on top of him and snoring lightly.

"Everything's good..." Liam said, sounding uneasy.

"Yes," Zayn reassured him, hearing the hidden question. "It's all good."

"Right," Liam said, pulling the blanket up to his chin nervously.

Zayn draped an arm over Liam's chest and pulled him closer. Liam noticeably relaxed, comforted by the warmth of Zayn's embrace and the steady beating of his heart.

"You good now?" Zayn whispered.

"Yeah," Liam whispered back, though his own heart still thudded rather loudly in his chest.

Zayn squeezed Liam tightly. "Just try to get a good sleep, all right?" he said. "I'm here if you need me."

"Yeah..." Liam murmured, allowing his eyes to close. "You're here."

"Good night, Liam," Zayn said softly.

"Night, Zayn," Liam whispered back, drifting off to sleep as his heart began to beat in time with Zayn's.

******************************************

"What are you looking at now, Liam?" Harry asked, noticing that Liam was hunched over his phone with a look of intense concentration on his face.

"Nothing," Liam muttered, not looking up. "Just checking my texts."

Niall sat down next to Liam and peered at the screen over his shoulder, then promptly smacked the phone out of his hand.

"No, BAD Liam!" he exclaimed. "Didn't I tell you to stay off of the Internet?"

Liam heaved a sigh and flopped down on the bed. "Everyone seems think that we're all still fighting."

"Right," Louis said. "Just like how last week, they all said that Zayn and Perrie have been secretly married for months and that Harry was quitting the band. Now, they're all saying that _you're_ the one who's going solo. Tomorrow's top story will be about Niall and I running away together and adopting a leprechaun. There's always _something_ Liam. You can't pay attention to any of it."

Liam knew that Louis was right. He was still trying to piece together the last few months, but deep down, he knew better than to put any stock in the news headlines. He was having a very hard time believing that anything had ever gone sour between him and any of his bandmates. Spending time together in the hotel room felt so natural. It was as if nothing had every changed, and as far as Liam was concerned, nothing had.

"I don't know why they still care about anything that I'm doing," Zayn said.

Niall laughed. "Come on, Zayn," he said. "Did you really think any of that would stop just because you quit the band? If anything, everyone is _more_ obsessed with you now."

"Yeah, because they're all trying to figure out whether or not I'll come back," Zayn replied with a sigh.

Louis waggled his eyebrows. "Still waiting on that normal life you wanted?"

Zayn shrugged. "A man can dream," he said simply, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Oh, missed a call from Perrie," he said, straightening up from the bed. "I'm just going to go give her a ring, if that's all right."

"Yeah, of course," Harry said. 

Zayn flashed a quick smile before ducking out into the hallway to call Perrie back.

Louis flopped down on the bed next to Liam. "How are you feeling today, Payno?" he asked.

"Good," Liam said honestly. "Great, actually. Much better."

Louis pinched his arm. "Liar. You're just saying that so that we'll let you do something fun tonight. Nice try, though. You're stuck here."

Liam frowned. "No, I wasn't trying to..."

Louis held up his hand. "Nope, sorry Li. You're not coming club-hopping with us tonight."

Harry rolled his eyes. "As if that's what... oh, hang on," he said, pulling a vibrating phone out of his pocket and raising it to his ear. "Hello?"

Niall smiled at Liam. "As if we'd go anywhere without you tonight," keeping his voice low so that Harry could hear whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Oh... really?" the three of them heard Harry say after a pause. "It's confirmed? All right, then." 

Liam felt that there was something odd about Harry's tone of voice. He studied his face carefully. 

"Yeah, I'll let them know, thanks." Harry hung up the phone and lay down on the bed, closing his eyes.

Louis raised an eyebrow.

"...Haz?" Niall asked curiously.

Harry was quiet for a moment. "We're going on Good Morning America in two days."

Liam went white as a sheet.

"Two days?" Louis echoed. "Are they serious?"

"They know Liam just had surgery, right?" Niall asked incredulously. "They can't possibly expect him to be ready to do interviews already."

"...and perform," Harry muttered.

"... _what?"_ Louis exclaimed.

"They want us to sing, too," Harry grumbled.

"Why so _soon?_ " Niall asked. "Why is it so important that we do it right away?"

Harry sighed. "It's because of all of the unfavourable publicity lately," he explained. "They want us to get out there and clear the air as soon as possible and show everyone that everything's fine."

Niall shook his head. "This is stupid. I mean, I get it, but..." he trailed off when he caught sight of Liam's face.

"Liam..." he said softly, resting a hand on Liam's shoulder.

Liam shook his head. "How am I supposed to..." He looked up at Harry desperately. "I don't even _remember...._ "

Harry nodded, a look of understanding washing over his face. 

"How do I answer their questions?" Liam asked "I still haven't got a clue what's going on, and..."

"You don't have to do it, Liam," Louis asserted. "You don't have to do this right now. We can just do the interview without you, or we can talk to management about postponing it altogether."

"No," Liam said sharply. "That won't help anything. We have to show the fans that everything's all right, the sooner the better. But if one of us isn't there, what will _that_ tell them?"

"But Liam..." Harry began.

"We have to do it," Liam insisted. "We have to go on. We can't let people give up on us."

"No one is giving up on us, Liam!" Niall exclaimed. "It doesn't matter what the so-called 'news' sites are saying; the fans have stood by us through everything."

"And we owe it to them to show them that everything is fine," Liam said. "There's no point in putting it off any longer.

They heard the door opening and looked up in time to see Zayn walking back into the room, startled to find the atmosphere far more tense than it had been when he left a few minutes prior. "Uhh... what happened?" he asked, looking around at the somber faces.

"We have to go on Good Morning America in a few days," Louis said dimly.

Zayn froze.

"Ohh..." he said gently, slowly walking over toward the bed and dropping down in front of Liam.

Liam looked up at Zayn. "I don't know how we're going to... do this. Without you."

"It will... it will be okay," Zayn said. "Just like any other interview, yeah? You've done it without me before."

"S'different now," Liam mumbled. "You know that."

"I know," Zayn said, resting a hand on Liam's knee and squeezing gently. "But you can do it."

"Just think about the fans, Liam," Louis said. "Like you said, we've got to show them everything's okay. Think about how happy they'll be when we finally resurface."

Liam went quiet. "What if I still don't remember?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "What if they notice?"

"They won't, Liam," Niall said. 

"I won't be able to answer anything," Liam said. "When they see that I haven't a clue what's going on, they'll know something's wrong. Then they'll panic and there will be _more_ rumours, and it's going to be a disaster, and..."

Niall wrapped his arms around Liam. "Liam, listen to me. Everything is going to be fine."

"No one needs to know, Liam," Louis said. "We'll answer any questions that you can't and make sure that you don't get put on the spot. And even if you do and you struggle at all, just make some joke blaming it on the pain meds. They don't need to know about the memory loss, but it's only a matter of time before word gets out that you've been hospitalized."

Although Liam still didn't know how he would be able to get through an interview when he had yet to recover his memory, this was far from his greatest concern. He couldn't stomach the thought of doing an interview without Zayn. He was not prepared to face that reality yet. Part of him was still clinging onto the hope that he was going to fall asleep one of these days and wake up to find out that Zayn had never even considered leaving the band and that this entire arduous journey had been nothing more than a fever dream.

He scrubbed his face with the palms of his hands. "Shit..." he groaned.

"We don't even need to think about it right now, Liam," Harry said. "We've still got time. Right now, recovering is your main priority, so focus on that."

"Yeah," Niall said. "You're supposed to be relaxing right now."

Louis grabbed the television remote. "Let's put on a film and chill for a bit. We can worry about all this interview shit later."

Liam sighed and cuddled up against Niall. This was too much.

"Just relax, Li," he soothed, rubbing Liam's arm.

Liam looked around at his four friends settling down on the mattress around him. Feeling a sense of calm wash over him, he let his eyes close. As much as he dreaded the days ahead, his heart was still soaring over the fact that he and his friends were reunited, and he was happy to hold onto that sensation for as long as he could.

**********************************

_"I can't do this. I can't."_

_"Zayn, it's not a big deal."_

_"Oh, like fuck it's not! Look at what they're saying!"_

_"It will all blow over mate, I promise you! It always does!"_

_"I can't deal with this right now."_

_* * * * * * * * * *_

_"...he's actually flying back home?"_

_"Yeah, for now._

_"What, so we're supposed to go on without him?"_

_"I guess, I mean... what the fuck else are we supposed to do?"_

_"This whole thing is just ridiculous."_

_* * * * * * * * * *_

_"Have you heard what they..."_

_"Shut up. It's not true."_

_"Word's getting out. People are starting to..."_

_"Just don't listen to any of it, all right? It will be sorted out soon enough."_

_"But what if he's actually..."_

_"STOP IT."_

_* * * * * * * * * *_

_"Harry won't stop crying."_

_"What, why? What the hell happened?"_

_"I don't know, he just got off the phone."_

_"Harry, what's wrong?"_

_Liam watched as Harry sobbed quietly, shielding his eyes with his hand._

_"...Hazza, you're scaring me, what's going on?"_

*******************************************

Liam sat bolt upright as his eyes snapped open.

He remembers.

Niall looked at Liam, alarmed. "Liam, you all right?"

Liam stared down at his shaky hands, barely able to _breathe,_ let alone speak.

Niall's eyes grew wider. " _Liam_ ," he said more urgently, placing a firm hand on Liam's shoulder.

"Up... have to... need to get... move... get up..." Liam sputtered.

Assuming that Liam was about to be sick, Niall quickly scooted out of the way and watched, bewildered, as Liam tumbled off of the bed and sprinted to the bathroom.

As the door swung shut behind him, Liam stumbled forward and planted both hands on the counter to steady himself. Dizzy with panic and gasping for breath, Liam replayed the images in his head.

He _remembers._

He remembers the angry tears and the sleepless nights. He remembers the gossip, the arguments, and the headaches that came with all of it. He remembers the empty spaces on the tour bus, on stage, and in his heart where Zayn should have been.

It's real. It's been real all along.

He can't _breathe_.

His arms shake, his vision blurs, and the strong arms that are suddenly wrapped around his chest are the only thing preventing him from collapsing to the ground.

"It's okay," Louis whispers in his ear. "It's okay."

Liam shakes his head and grips the edge of the counter, his knuckles now nearly as white as his face.

"Breathe, Liam," Louis says softly. "I need you to take deep breaths for me."

Liam takes a deep, shuddering inhale that escapes as a sob. Louis' arms tighten around him as his own arms weaken.

"There you go. Just breathe."

Louis' tight hold on Liam keeps him upright as his legs give out, but Louis helps Liam gently sink down to his knees and moves so that he is now kneeling beside him.

"You're all right, lad," he whispers, though Liam is still breathing in rapid, shallow gasps.

Liam angles himself toward Louis and circles his arms around his neck, letting his head drop helplessly to Louis' shoulder.

"You remember now, don't you?" Louis asks.

Liam nods without lifting his head. Louis holds him even tighter and continues to do so until Liam's breathing evens out.

Still trembling slightly, Liam lifts his head off of Louis' shoulder and looks up toward the door that he evidently neglected to lock. He's not surprised to find Harry, Niall, and Zayn hovering in the doorway.

"He knows," Louis says, and the others all nod solemnly.

Zayn approaches Liam and kneels down in front of him. "It's all right, Liam," he says gently, not knowing what else to say.

"I know," Liam says quickly, swiping at his eyes. He knows he's cried more than enough, yet the tears continue to fall. "I'm sorry," he mumbles. "M'so sorry..."

"For what?" Zayn says, taking one of Liam's hands in his own. "You don't have to be sorry, mate. It's overwhelming. I get it."

Liam nods and musters a shaky smile. "Yeah, s'alot." He chews his lower lip. "I remember everything," he says.

Zayn nods silently, squeezing Liam's hand.

Liam lets the pause linger before dropping his head. "Missed you," he mutters.

Zayn tries to meet Liam's gaze. "What?"

Liam takes another deep, shaky breath and chokes, "Zayn, I missed you so _much_..."

He looks up tentatively and finds himself captivated by Zayn's warm, misty eyes.

"Oh _Liam_..." Zayn cries, throwing his arms around him.

" _Goddammit,_ " Niall mutters, turning away from the others and wiping his cheeks as Louis and Harry exchange a bright-eyed glance.

"I can't believe you're not..." Liam falters. 

"Shhh," Zayn says, cutting him off. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere." 

"Promise?" Liam whispers. 

"Promise," Zayn replies, holding Liam as tightly as he can. 

When they finally pull away from each other, Zayn smiles brightly at Liam and squeezes both of his shoulders. 

"You said it before, mate," Zayn says. "No matter what, we'll all still be the best of friends. Nothing will change that." 

Liam nods vigorously. "I know," he says. "And I respect your decision. Really, I do. I miss you - we _all_ do - but we want you to be happy, and we'll always support you." 

Zayn nods slowly. "Means a lot to me." 

Liam is biting his lip again. "I just..." he hesitates. "I'm just so... it's going to be hard, this first year without you especially. Taking these first few steps, starting with the interview. I really don't know if I can do it." 

Zayn looks pensive. "Maybe I can help," he says. 

*******************************************

Liam's palms are obnoxiously sweaty, and he doesn't even want to know how clearly the tension is showing on his face. He probably looks like a deer in the headlights right about now. He feels good physically, completely free of fever and mostly free of pain, but he's nervous. He's _so_ nervous.

"You good, Payno?" Louis asks, glancing up at Liam as he fiddles with his microphone.

"M'good," Liam says quietly. He's shuffling his feet anxiously, hoping that it looks like he's just trying to break in the horrendously uncomfortable dress shoes that they're making him wear for some reason.

"It'll be fine," Niall says reassuringly, clapping Liam on the back.

"Ready lads?" Harry says.

The rest of them nod just in time to hear an enthusiastic voice demanding that the studio audience welcome One Direction to the stage.

They're met with deafening cheers from the audience as they file out onto the studio platform and sit down on the couch, taking turns shaking hands with the interviewers. Liam can't remember the names of any of the hosts for the life of him, but they all seem like friendly enough people.

"We can't tell you how thrilled we are to have all of you here!" one of the women said.

"Thrilled to be here," Harry says with his million-dollar smile.

Liam rests his palms on his knees and takes deep breaths, fearing that his heart may just be beating loudly enough for his microphone to pick up. He lets his hands drop to the cushion beneath him, and his right hand instinctively seeks out to make contact with the hand beside it. It's natural, automatic, and more than a little childish, but it's a hard decision to regret when he feels his neighbour's pinky curling gently around his own, out of view of the cameras. Liam lowers his shoulders slowly as the tension melts away. A subtle glance to the right, met with the reassuring smile that he was looking for, proves to be all that he needs. All is right in the world.

"And we'd like to extend a very _special_ 'thank you' to Mr. Zayn Malik for joining us this morning!" the male host says.

The audience had not stopped shouting since the five of them had walked out on stage, but after the mention of Zayn's name, their screams should surely be capable of shattering the windows behind them.

"Thank you for having me," Zayn says shyly but sincerely, giving Liam's hand a secret squeeze.

Liam glances offstage and has to stifle a giggle when he sees the cameramen and stage directors fervently gesturing at the audience, attempting to get them to lower their voices.

"Now," the first female interviewer says, "you boys have had a _lot_ going on over the past few months, so we have a _lot_ to talk about, but we should probably talk about the obvious first. Zayn," she said, turning to face the Bradford boy, "you made the decision to leave the band in March."

"Yeah," Zayn says. "I mean, I had an amazing run with these boys, but I just felt like it was time. The tour life was getting to be too much for me. I still loved performing, and the fans were always as amazing as ever..." [cue alarmingly high-pitched screams from the audience] "...but I was becoming overwhelmed and wanted to just take some time to myself, be with my family..."

"We all know the _real_ reason why he left, though," Louis quips. "He's a bit of a sadist and wanted to watch us struggle with his high notes."

The crowd (and the boys) laugh heartily at that.

"Any truth to that, Zayn?" the interviewer asks with a smile.

Zayn shakes his head, smiling. "Even if that were true, it would have been a terrible plan. These lads have been absolutely killing it out there."

The audience erupts into a deafening cheer that immediately validates Zayn's praise.

"We did notice that you picked up the bulk of Zayn's solos, Liam," the interviewer says. "Should we be worried that they're working you too hard?"

"Nah," says Liam, "you should be worried about the fans who have to keep putting up with my voice."

"Yeah," Niall pipes up. "It's not _their_ fault that none of the rest of us can sing that high."

The audience titters.

"Liam, we're especially glad to have you with us as well!" another interviewer says. "I take it you're just about recovered?"

Liam isn't entirely sure why management felt it necessary to tell the interview staff about the surgery. "Yeah, just had a bout of appendicitis, they tell me," Liam says casually, "but we've got that all sorted out, now."

"Very glad to hear it," the interviewer beams, "as are all of your doting fans, I'm sure."

The interview continues in a relatively predictable fashion: they ask a few questions about the how the first leg of the tour has been going and how they're looking forward to their upcoming shows, which inevitably segues into questions about what it's like to perform without Zayn. The other boys are fully prepared to take on this question, so they're surprised when Liam is the first to speak.

"It was hard at first," Liam finds himself saying. "Really hard. We'd performed as a four-piece before because of illness and that, but it was different this time. It felt so... it felt like something was missing. But the more we go on... I dunno, sometimes it's hard to feel like Zayn actually isn't there because... in a way, he is, isn't he? He'll always be a part of One Direction, so every time we step out on that stage, we know he's there with us."

Liam feels the heat rising to his face as he hears a murmur rising in the audience. "I mean, maybe that makes absolutely zero sense, but..."

"It makes perfect sense, Liam," Louis says firmly.

"It does," Zayn confirms with a smile.

Louis and Zayn are both drowned out completely by applause from the studio audience, but Liam hears them loud and clear.

Once the audience has calmed down somewhat, another interviewer jumps in: "So, Zayn, tell us: how has life as a 'normal 22-year-old' been?"

Zayn smiles. "Was a bit of an adjustment at first," he admits, "but it is really nice to be able to spend more time with my family and fiancée and just like... I dunno, relax out of the spotlight."

"Be honest," she says. "Is there anything about being in One Direction that you miss?"

"Oh, of course," Zayn insists. "I loved performing, being on stage with the lads, and the fans were always so incredible... then after the shows I got to hang out with my four best mates... 'course I miss that. It was such a huge part of my life for so long, and it will always be a part of me."

"Have you given any thought to rejoining the band?"

Zayn isn't used to being put on this spot this much in interviews, but he carries on bravely. "Well, I mean, it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind, but I don't see that happening. It feels like it was the right decision for me, for my family, for the lads..."

The interviewer smiles somewhat coyly. "Now, would you consider performing with them again?"

Zayn smiles back. "Now _that,_ I think I can do."

Beaming, the interviewer turns toward the audience. "Here to perform their hit single _Night Changes_ , please give it up for One Direction!"

The audience erupts once again as the boys head over to the other side of the stage and sit down on the stools that had been lined up in front of the five standing microphones ahead of time. As the piano music starts up in the background, Liam can't take his eyes off of Zayn as he grips his microphone and licks his lips in anticipation. His eyes close gently as Zayn effortlessly glides through the first verse. He sounds more than perfect. Liam almost wishes he didn't have to sing right away because all he wants to do is listen, to cherish the sound he thought he'd never near again, but he slides in seamlessly for his own part of the verse.

His eyes meet Zayn's as Harry takes over for the chorus, and without saying anything, they both say it all. 

Liam knows that they should be looking at the cameras (or at least the audience), but the five of them continually glance back and forth, unable to keep their eyes off of one another as their voices fall into perfect harmony.

 _"...but there's nothing to be afraid of. Even when the night changes, it will never change me and you."_ ♪

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you thought!


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